February 14, 2013 |
Zero stars (out of four) I don't know when or how “A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III” came about, but here's the phone conversation that may as well have taken place between star Charlie Sheen and writer/director Roman Coppola: CS: “Roman, baby, it's Sheen. Need a favor.” RC: “Of course. I remember what happened last time I said 'no' to you.” CS: “Bitchin'. Need to do a movie to show how hard it is being me. We'll call the character Charles Swan as a wink-wink, nudge-nudge thing.
October 18, 2012 |
Zero stars (out of four) Without referencing early 1990s rappers Kris Kross, I see no way to write a less-menacing tagline than the one on the poster for “Alex Cross”: “Don't ever cross Alex Cross.” This thriller plays like the copy of a copy of a '90s flick, so that what was once gripping becomes vague and unintentionally funny. As detective Dr. Alex Cross - that's really what people call him, due to his psych degree - Tyler Perry appears uninformed that movie cops usually deliver some measure of...
July 12, 2012 |
Zero stars (out of four) A Chicago-native filmmaker with any loyalty to hometown crowds should never, ever claim a scene takes place in Detroit while blatantly displaying the exterior of Ukrainian Village's Rainbo Club and the Division Street sign. In director/co-writer Bob Meyer's horribly written, shockingly amateur “Drunkboat,” the embarrassment to our city doesn't end there. Following an introductory scene in which he wears a mop on his head, Vietnam vet Mort (John Malkovich)
January 11, 2012 |
I didn't think anything could make me as cranky as a Rob Schneider movie does. (OK, his buddy Adam Sandler's movies do too.) But more to the point: Now there's "Rob!" ( 7:30 p.m. Jan. 12, CBS; zero stars ) Schneider's confounding new sitcom that delivers some of the worst jokes put to paper about immigration, rape and many other racist and stereotypical behavior. And I swear I'm not going to play the "politically correct" card here. I'm just trying to say that this show is not funny--at all. Schneider stars a white, middle-aged, longtime...
January 2, 2012 |
Two manly men can't find work, so they line their eyes with mascara, wrap up the equipment with Ace bandages and squeeze into dresses to get jobs as women. ABC, you can do better than this drivel you call "Work It" (7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 3; 0 stars - that's right, zero stars). "Work It" is so bad, it makes the equally dismal "Last Man Standing," which airs at 7 p.m. Tuesdays on ABC, look brilliant. Married salesman Lee Standish (former Chicagoan Ben Koldyke) and his best bud, a Romeo of a mechanic named Angel Ortiz (Amaury Nolasco)
December 1, 2011 |
Zero stars (out of four) The examination of class in “Answers to Nothing” consists of Ryan (Dane Cook) briefly looking at a homeless person. The examination of race boils down to an African-American woman (Kali Hawk), who says she hates black people, deciding to look on the bright side. As for the discussion of infidelity, there isn't one. Ryan simply cheats on his wife Kate (Elizabeth Mitchell) - he's so sleazy he tells the romantic story of his grandparents' love while receiving oral sex from his mistress Tara (Aja Volkman)