Shame

*1/2 (out of four) Breaking news: When you get married, you will inevitably deal with your spouse's family and exes in some capacity! This is the major insight of writer-director Edward Burns' inane “Newlyweds,” which has nothing in common with “Bridesmaids” but shares a lot with many other sources. Burns (“The Brothers McMullen”) bites conflict from a “Seinfeld” episode, a line from “Chasing Amy” and needlessly has characters address the camera ala “The Office” to comment on what just happened.

Somewhere, Ryan Seacrest is giggling to himself. Eonline.com confirmed Tuesday that judges Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger and host Steve Jones are out at "The X Factor," leaving Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid as the only survivors. Despite the fact that Simon told The Hollywood Reporter that "an audience of less than 20 million viewers would be a flat-out 'disappointment,'" the show earned an average of only 12.5 million viewers -- a far cry from "Idol's" 29.3 million. Here's how it went down -- before and after.

*** (out of four) In the recent pro-life drama “October Baby,” the abortion debate poses no debate at all. The planet's most divisive issue contains one perspective, and the movie isn't a movie so much as a “Shame on you” wag of the finger to anyone who feels differently. Fortunately, the religious examination in “Blue Like Jazz” mostly exists as a discussion, not a sermon. The film explores a conflicted belief system through the epitome of a person seeking self-discovery and extended conversation: a college student.

** (out of four) Shame on 2-star movies for the indifference they cause. For the mild successes that quickly fade and for the flaws that could have been avoided with a simple change of procedure. For the fact that bad movies stir up some impassioned reaction. All a 2-star movie inspires is, “Eh.” That's the long way of saying that “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel,” a dramedy about a group of elderly British folks who retire to a not especially luxurious senior spot in India, unfolds with all of the expected highlights from its great cast and lowlights from its obvious-yet-contrived story.

**1/2 (out of four) When a young prostitute tells Anne (Juliette Binoche) that men appreciate the opportunity to fulfill fantasies they can't realize with their wives, I imagined syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage appearing on screen and asking, “Well, why do you think men feel unable to indulge kinks with their spouses?” Unfortunately, Anne, a journalist writing a story for Elle about students earning money through the world's oldest profession, follows only a predictable line of questioning.

EAT Order up Pecking Order, 4416 N. Clark St. 773-907-9900 The new Filipino-style "chicken every which way" restaurant by local chef Kristine Subido and her mom, Melinda, features hormone- and antibiotic-free grilled, fried or roasted birds pre-marinated in cane sugar, tamari, garlic and vinegar ($10.95 half; $17.95 whole). They are served with one or two sides, respectively, including grilled sweet corn with lime mayo and fresh cheese or green beans with tomato-ginger sofrito.

Beer gimmicks are nothing new: vortex bottles, color-changing labels, easy-flow cans. Recently Escondido, Calif.-based Stone Brewing--known for their Arrogant Bastard ale--launched a beer guaranteed to not stay on fridge shelves too long. Their "Stone Enjoy By 09.21.12 IPA" was released Aug. 17 in Chicago, New Jersey and Southern California and if the name didn't already explain it, it's best enjoyed before the end of September. Bars and retailers will no longer serve the double IPA after Sept.

Good times for the Bears, but we must do some police work first. Time to go all "CSI" on the White Sox. It's a funny thing. If a team blows a three-game lead on Sept. 18 but there's no one there to witness it, how do we know it happened? Shame on you, you lazy, apathetic, uninterested White Sox fans of which I am a card-carrying member. I wasn't there, but I'm wondering at which point Ken Harrelson went stone cold silent. Here's the worst part. It's not like that was a great beginning.

** (out of four) Obviously someone like Keith Richards would never check into a retirement home for musicians. He's lived like a rock star, and he'll die like a rock star. No, in Dustin Hoffman's directorial debut, “Quartet,” only elderly opera singers and classical musicians populate Beecham House, and unlike the devastating portrait of aging in Michael Haneke's “Amour,” “Quartet” favors cheeky over honest. “This is not a retirement home; this is a madhouse!

Odds are 49ers defensive back Chris Culliver has shared a locker room with a homosexual, even if they have been closeted. At Super Bowl media day Tuesday, he made it clear that he'd rather those teammates keep their feelings to themselves. "I don't do the gay guys man," Culliver reportedly told comedian turned shock jock Artie Lange on his radio show. "I don't do that. No, we don't got no gay people on the team, they gotta get up out of here if they do. Can't be with that sweet stuff.