December 26, 2013 |
**1/2 (out of four) It almost goes without saying that a movie featuring Eric Wareheim (of "Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!"), Jon LaJoie (of "The League") and Marilyn Manson (of Marilyn Manson) possesses a bent worldview. It's standard stuff, though, from writer-director Quentin Dupieux's ("Rubber," "Wrong"), to whom random meaningless and inexplicable behavior comes naturally. In "Wrong Cops," whose plot doesn't deserve the compliment of being called a plot, useless cop Duke (Mark Burnham)
March 25, 2013 |
The odds of predicting a perfect March Madness bracket (excluding the play-in games, because screw the play-in games) is approximately 1 in 9,223,372,036,854,775,808. Websites now routinely offer $1 million to anyone who pulls off that perfecto, knowing full well there are better odds that you - yes, you - could ever date Kate Upton. The odds of picking a perfect bracket from this point on, however, are a totally doable 1 in 32,768 - approximately the odds of you sleeping with Ke$ha.
March 4, 2013 |
To put it mildly, the Blackhawks' current streak is impressive. Through 22 games, they have earned at least a point in each one. And they've done it all sorts of ways, including Sunday's win over Detroit, which required late-game heroics from Patrick Kane. In addition to a Stanley Cup title, the Hawks are chasing the 1979-80 Philadelphia Flyers, who went 35 straight games with a point. And Chicago is doing this with only a week of training camp, which makes their run even more amazing.
February 11, 2013 |
Ladies and germs, the Blackhawks are the mayors of Craycraytown, population Us. They're only four games away from tying the all-time record of 16 games without a regulation loss to start a season. They'll eventually lose a game, but will it happen before the record falls? LET US MATH. Tuesday vs. Anaheim The Ducks are in the middle of a long road trip, and the Hawks will be home for the first time in weeks. Anaheim is an impressive 8-2-1 so far. A great Ducks offense could score early and silence the UC, and if there's a game on the homestand to have the nervous...
December 26, 2012 |
Every year I dread New Year's Eve--the crazy cover charges, the pressure, the indecision, etc. I want this year to be different, and I don't want to end it alone. Isn't this the biggest party night of the year? Aren't people happy the world didn't end on 12.21 and want to get laid? How can I skew the odds in my favor?--Screw Year's Eve New Year's Eve is definitely THE date for hookups, with odds higher than Valentine's Day, Halloween and Arbor Day combined (but not Groundhog Day. Bill Murray's sexual prowess has ruined the standard for everyone!
August 14, 2012 |
0.5 stars (out of four) Take the remarkably disingenuous “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close,” then replace the exploitation of 9/11 with an insulting adoption fairy tale - and you've got “The Odd Life of Timothy Green,” a family film so simultaneously phony and saccharine that five out of five dentists guarantee it will rot both your teeth and brain. (Results not scientific.) Ten-year-old Timothy Green (CJ Adams) literally emerges from the ground when Jim (Joel Edgerton)