August 9, 2012 |
The news that Kristen Stewart cheated with a married, British director hit all of us pretty hard. But imagine for a second that you're Robert Pattinson -- his heart probably is slightly more broken right now. Before R-Patz has his first post-cheating interview with Jon Stewart on Monday, we took a peek at his (totally fictional) diary to see how he's handling things in the week leading up to his "Daily Show" appearance. firstname.lastname@example.org | @redeyedana Monday Morning has become night.
November 1, 2012 |
There's a monster in my living room. It just sits there, its dark, blank face staring. I feel it in my bones - it's plotting against me. People on the street know it as "the TV. " I know it as the evil succubus that wants my very soul. I keep clear of it most of the week. But on certain evenings I'm compelled to sit before it, a root beer in one hand, Funyuns in the other. That's when I finally lock eyes with it and succumb to its hypnotic glow. It tells me when to laugh and I do. It tells me when to cry and I do. It tells me when to say, "Oh, no she didn't!"
March 27, 2013 |
Word on the street is that Jay Leno's leaving the "Tonight Show. " Why do I feel like I've heard that before? Maybe it's because I have heard it before, back in 2004 when Conan O'Brien was promised the reins to the show in 2009. "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" lasted a whole six months before Jay started complaining about his low ratings at 9 o'clock. As we all remember, the situation devolved. Conan eventually said "screw this" and bounced, and Leno moved back into his old TV home.
April 24, 2013 |
Seth Meyers and Hannibal Buress are coming home for the fifth annual TBS Just for Laughs Chicago comedy festival in June. Evanston native Meyers, who runs the "Saturday Night Live" writers' room and "Weekend Update," is one of the festival's anchors--get it?--along with "Arrested Development" co-star David Cross, "Real Time" host Bill Maher and comedy legend Bob Newhart. Meyers' June 14 show at the Chicago Theatre will feature Buress and Al Madrigal. The festival runs six days from June 11-16 at various venues including the Chicago Theatre, The Vic and Park West.
September 23, 2012 |
"Homeland" played the role of spoiler Sunday at the 64th Primetime Emmy Awards, taking prizes that seemed reserved for the likes of "Mad Men" and "Breaking Bad. " Showtime's espionage thriller was named best drama, blocking the chance for AMC's "Mad Men" to make history by winning the trophy for the fifth year in a row. "Homeland" also scored wins for best dramatic actor (Damian Lewis) and actress (Claire Danes), and for best writing. Lewis's win for playing Marine Sgt. Nicholas Brody denied Bryan Cranston of "Breaking Bad" his fourth Emmy and once again made "Mad Men" star Jon Hamm an also-ran.
November 13, 2012 |
By now you've heard about the shocking scandal sweeping Washington: men and women, of all ages and dispositions, like having sex even outside the bonds of marriage. I know. It took me a minute to process as well. I've written this column before, and I'm going to keep writing it until American society comes to some rational conclusion about extramarital affairs, sex scandals, and all the rest. The first thing I thought when Paula Broadwell appeared on “The Daily Show” to plug her fawning biography about Gen. David Petraeus was, “This woman has undoubtedly had sex with that guy.” There wasn't even a question in my mind at the time, but you can't just go around saying, “I suspect these individuals of having an affair because I have basic human observational capacities.” But so what if they did?
April 9, 2013 |
Can you be for female empowerment in the workplace, believe there is an unjust double standard for women in every aspect of life from assertiveness to sexuality, observe Equal Pay Day and generally be just feminist as f*** while still thinking Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO and author of “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead,” is a total tool? Obviously, I think the answer is yes (or I wouldn't have written this column). I have not read “Lean In” but Sandberg has been popping up everywhere, from “The Daily Show” to NPR and everything in between, so I've had to listen to her pitch several times.
October 31, 2013 |
It's really old, lifeless, mostly empty and freezing cold - at least to the best of our human knowledge. Yet here on Earth, space is so hot right now. “Gravity,” director Alfonso Cuaron's space disaster thriller starring Sandra Bullock and George Clooney, spent an impressive three weeks at the top of the box office. Big in every way - the theatrical release included nationwide Imax 3-D screenings - “Gravity” is just one example of the final frontier being launched into pop-culture orbit.
June 28, 2012 |
I know that as someone who understands that the Affordable Care Act is a necessary piece of legislation that will need to be expanded and improved upon in the decades to come, I should have been overjoyed that Chief Justice John Roberts joined the majority in upholding its constitutionality. Yet all I'm left thinking is, “Congratulations, you can read and comprehend the basic text of a not-all-that-difficult law document.” I hate to go into my self-righteous, I've-been-saying-this-for-years mode, but here goes: the reason Roberts cited for upholding the law is the same thing I've been saying for nearly two years, ever since Tea Party legal scholars decided they wanted to challenge the ACA's constitutionality: The mandate does not compel anyone to buy health insurance.
August 15, 2012 |
Obviously, the world will never be the same again. Kristen Stewart and her “Twilight” co-star Robert Pattinson. K-Stew and R-Pattz. Stroganoff and Puffinson (unofficial nicknames). Call 'em what you want; they appear to be done. That'll happen sometimes after infidelity, particularly globally publicized infidelity involving that time-honored scandal, the actress and the director. In this case, as you probably know by now, it was Stewart and her “Snow White and the Huntsman,” 41-year-old, married-with-kids director Rupert Sanders, whose name is surely now more well-known than it was when he was just the filmmaker behind one of the year's less-guaranteed hits.