Column

After writing this column for six years now, I've realized the most under-appreciated aspect of column-writing is that you must first come up with an "idea. " You must care enough about this "idea" to go to the trouble of rendering an opinion (that's by necessity incomplete and probably wrong), an opinion which might garner you public bile, venom and occasionally gay pornographic pictures cut and pasted onto the fringes of a letter (yes, I still have it in a shoebox). You're constantly concocting and discarding ideas: some on the cusp of greatness, some at least print-worthy and most just weird...

After writing this column for six years now, I've realized the most under-appreciated aspect of column-writing is that you must first come up with an "idea. " You must care enough about this "idea" to go to the trouble of rendering an opinion (that's by necessity incomplete and probably wrong), an opinion which might garner you public bile, venom and occasionally gay pornographic pictures cut and pasted onto the fringes of a letter (yes, I still have it in a shoebox). You're constantly concocting and discarding ideas: some on the cusp of greatness, some at least print-worthy and most just weird...

Monday's RedEye column got a seriously fierce reaction. Here are the highlights: 1) I did make the same point about this Chik-fil-A nonsense as Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show”: Dan Cathy is an idiot, but you can't start banning companies and institutions run by people who say stupid stuff. Otherwise, we could never have churches, synagogues or mosques in city limits because those people are telling everyone there's a magic man in the sky making bizarre homophobic rules and looking inside their brains 24 hours a day. First of all, let me say that Jon Stewart is great for,...

Over the years, I've been lucky enough to receive some pretty spectacular hate mail. However, what I've noticed is that people will never get more offended than by the stuff I'm saying the least seriously, with my tongue most obviously in cheek, that has the least relevance to anything happening anywhere in the world of any importance whatsoever. Take Monday's column on naked old men parading around gym locker rooms . First of all, everyone knows this is true. Second of all, I obviously wasn't saying, “Shame on you for being alive, old people!

We need some levity this Monday. I've been saving this column for a long, long time. It's my "break the glass in case of emergency" column. It's my "crossing the streams of the proton packs" column. With the tragic Benghazi incident abroad and the divisive, emotional standoff between teachers and the city here in Chicago, we need to be reminded of the wonderful, unflinching absurdity of the human condition, which, I would argue, is defined by Steve Markley, 28-year-old genital enthusiast, pontificating on the plastic surgery operation known as "the Barbie.

Dear Jay Cutler, It was recently brought to my attention that you might have read a column I wrote earlier this year. And to pretty much everyone alive's amazement, you acknowledged it, tweeting it was "completely false" and subsequently blocking RedEye on Twitter. I never meant to hurt you. It was satire. Like Mark Twain books, Herman Cain and reality TV. It wasn't real. It was a joke. And frankly, you blocking RedEye over my column is funnier than anything I've ever written.

Over the years, I've been lucky enough to receive some pretty spectacular hate mail. However, what I've noticed is that people will never get more offended than by the stuff I'm saying the least seriously, with my tongue most obviously in cheek, that has the least relevance to anything happening anywhere in the world of any importance whatsoever. Take Monday's column on naked old men parading around gym locker rooms . First of all, everyone knows this is true. Second of all, I obviously wasn't saying, “Shame on you for being alive, old people!

Hey, who's in Iceland right now? Just me? OK, then I'll explain the entire country in this column. It started like this: My friends Bojo and Trin decided to quit their jobs and hop around places that are not America for a while. I decided to more or less empty my bank account to travel with them on the first leg of their journey to this strange, magical world called Iceland. Honestly, I've never been to a place I've had so much difficulty describing both aesthetically and socially.

The text arrived about 30 minutes after my column went live on redeyechicago.com . It was my buddy G, a Vikings fan. He was not happy. "I want you to know I take personal offense to your column," he wrote. "You went too far. " We'd been smack talking all day both privately and on Twitter, and perhaps I was still channeling that mindset when I wrote my postgame column about my dislike of the Vikings. I'd imagine my disrespect of the Vikings wasn't what bothered him, though, but rather my disrespect of Vikings fans: "[The Vikings]

In light of Lance Armstrong's Oprah interview and a kerfuffle over Ray Lewis and deer antler spray, the topic of performance-enhancing drugs has been in the news with renewed vigor. It has culminated with this overwrought, hyper-ventilating column by Bill Simmons' of Grantland , which has instigated my biggest intellectual backlash to the whole purity-in-sports movement to date. As regular readers of this column know, I adore Simmons and his gargantuan run-on columns and entertaining-as-actual-sports podcast.

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In light of Lance Armstrong's Oprah interview and a kerfuffle over Ray Lewis and deer antler spray, the topic of performance-enhancing drugs has been in the news with renewed vigor. It has culminated with this overwrought, hyper-ventilating column by Bill Simmons' of Grantland , which has instigated my biggest intellectual backlash to the whole purity-in-sports movement to date. As regular readers of this column know, I adore Simmons and his gargantuan run-on columns and entertaining-as-actual-sports podcast.

The text arrived about 30 minutes after my column went live on redeyechicago.com . It was my buddy G, a Vikings fan. He was not happy. "I want you to know I take personal offense to your column," he wrote. "You went too far. " We'd been smack talking all day both privately and on Twitter, and perhaps I was still channeling that mindset when I wrote my postgame column about my dislike of the Vikings. I'd imagine my disrespect of the Vikings wasn't what bothered him, though, but rather my disrespect of Vikings fans: "[The Vikings]

My friend Phil and I both belong to the cult of Bill Simmons, the sportswriter, mostly because he's one of the few sportswriters out there who shares our slavish devotion to NBA basketball as the world's crowning athletic league achievement. This means listening to “BS Report” podcasts religiously and getting through about 2/3 of every column (Simmons' columns regularly run upwards of 7,000 words, which means if you want to read each and every one to completion you have to give up either laundry, sex, or watching the actual sports you're reading about)

We need some levity this Monday. I've been saving this column for a long, long time. It's my "break the glass in case of emergency" column. It's my "crossing the streams of the proton packs" column. With the tragic Benghazi incident abroad and the divisive, emotional standoff between teachers and the city here in Chicago, we need to be reminded of the wonderful, unflinching absurdity of the human condition, which, I would argue, is defined by Steve Markley, 28-year-old genital enthusiast, pontificating on the plastic surgery operation known as "the Barbie.

Following Climate Week on Off the Markley, I promised I would write something really, really silly . As an incredibly smart, political, tuned-in friend told me: “I don't really read your blog when you're talking about climate change or whatever. I like when you talk about things like belly-button lint.” I know. I promised the Stupidest Column Ever. And it's incredibly tempting to renege in this final slot of the week and address something real. After all my admonitions about climate week have only gained further...

Matt Pais has a columnist page.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? More like, try again, copycats. A controversial new ad campaign from the Benetton group was making the rounds online this week. It's on par with the fashion house's past attempts at using their ads to communicate a wider, more "wordly" message, and it is certainly hard to miss. The ad, which is a slideshow of various international politicians shown engaged in faux lip locks, has a message of "Unhate" attached. Scrolling through smooches between opposing political leaders is bound to attract attention the company...

Monday's RedEye column got a seriously fierce reaction. Here are the highlights: 1) I did make the same point about this Chik-fil-A nonsense as Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show”: Dan Cathy is an idiot, but you can't start banning companies and institutions run by people who say stupid stuff. Otherwise, we could never have churches, synagogues or mosques in city limits because those people are telling everyone there's a magic man in the sky making bizarre homophobic rules and looking inside their brains 24 hours a day. First of all, let me say that Jon Stewart is great for,...

Hey, who's in Iceland right now? Just me? OK, then I'll explain the entire country in this column. It started like this: My friends Bojo and Trin decided to quit their jobs and hop around places that are not America for a while. I decided to more or less empty my bank account to travel with them on the first leg of their journey to this strange, magical world called Iceland. Honestly, I've never been to a place I've had so much difficulty describing both aesthetically and socially.