February 11, 2013 |
In light of Lance Armstrong's Oprah interview and a kerfuffle over Ray Lewis and deer antler spray, the topic of performance-enhancing drugs has been in the news with renewed vigor. It has culminated with this overwrought, hyper-ventilating column by Bill Simmons' of Grantland , which has instigated my biggest intellectual backlash to the whole purity-in-sports movement to date. As regular readers of this column know, I adore Simmons and his gargantuan run-on columns and entertaining-as-actual-sports podcast.
November 26, 2012 |
The text arrived about 30 minutes after my column went live on redeyechicago.com . It was my buddy G, a Vikings fan. He was not happy. "I want you to know I take personal offense to your column," he wrote. "You went too far. " We'd been smack talking all day both privately and on Twitter, and perhaps I was still channeling that mindset when I wrote my postgame column about my dislike of the Vikings. I'd imagine my disrespect of the Vikings wasn't what bothered him, though, but rather my disrespect of Vikings fans: "[The Vikings]
November 19, 2012 |
My friend Phil and I both belong to the cult of Bill Simmons, the sportswriter, mostly because he's one of the few sportswriters out there who shares our slavish devotion to NBA basketball as the world's crowning athletic league achievement. This means listening to “BS Report” podcasts religiously and getting through about 2/3 of every column (Simmons' columns regularly run upwards of 7,000 words, which means if you want to read each and every one to completion you have to give up either laundry, sex, or watching the actual sports you're reading about)
September 16, 2012 |
We need some levity this Monday. I've been saving this column for a long, long time. It's my "break the glass in case of emergency" column. It's my "crossing the streams of the proton packs" column. With the tragic Benghazi incident abroad and the divisive, emotional standoff between teachers and the city here in Chicago, we need to be reminded of the wonderful, unflinching absurdity of the human condition, which, I would argue, is defined by Steve Markley, 28-year-old genital enthusiast, pontificating on the plastic surgery operation known as "the Barbie.
August 8, 2012 |
Following Climate Week on Off the Markley, I promised I would write something really, really silly . As an incredibly smart, political, tuned-in friend told me: “I don't really read your blog when you're talking about climate change or whatever. I like when you talk about things like belly-button lint.” I know. I promised the Stupidest Column Ever. And it's incredibly tempting to renege in this final slot of the week and address something real. After all my admonitions about climate week have only gained further...
August 6, 2012 |
Monday's RedEye column got a seriously fierce reaction. Here are the highlights: 1) I did make the same point about this Chik-fil-A nonsense as Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show”: Dan Cathy is an idiot, but you can't start banning companies and institutions run by people who say stupid stuff. Otherwise, we could never have churches, synagogues or mosques in city limits because those people are telling everyone there's a magic man in the sky making bizarre homophobic rules and looking inside their brains 24 hours a day. First of all, let me say that Jon...