Chicago Sports

I'd like to speak with you seriously for a moment about words. We all use them. And I've seen a number of them lately that have sounded some alarms. They create fear, uncertainty, anxiety and ulcers. Especially this time of year heading into the NBA and NHL playoffs. Those words are: "doubtful," "questionable," "unlikely," "undecided," "sidelined" and "inactive. " It's driving me crazy. Those words refer to our two biggest stars this time of year: Jonathan Toews and Derrick Rose.

Broken Lizard co-founder Jay Chandrasekhar admits that when writing jokes, it's much easier to get raunchy than to avoid the dirt. "We try mightily to come up with bits that are clean, because it's the only way you can get on Kimmel or Letterman," he said by phone. "You can't get on with most of the bits that we write. [But] it's a struggle to come up with clean stuff. " We caught up with Chandrasekhar, a Chicago-area native who shot to fame with Broken Lizard in such cult classic movies as "Super Troopers," "Beerfest" and most recently, "The Babymakers," who returns to Chicago on a five-city stand-up tour...

That took long enough. I've been throwing stuff for years. Hats off to Kerry Wood who did something rash, disgusting, inexplicable and inexcusable. He had an honest expression of emotion and (gasp!) threw his cap and glove into the crowd the other night. Bravo. I hate watching the Cubs. Sad, but true. They are a constant reminder that all the money in the world can't solve deep-rooted problems in culture and philosophy. Heck, St. Louis lost Albert Pujols, Tony LaRussa and Dave Duncan and they're humming along.

Looking for a local bar to cheer for your alma mater? This guide will help you zero in on where to stake out some space on college basketball gamedays. Bar owners and alumni groups: Don't see your bar included here? We'll be adding to this guide throughout the season. Send your affiliation and specials to RedEye nightlife and events reporter  Kate Bernot  for consideration. RedEye's college sports bar guide includes official partnerships with alumni associations in addition to bars owned by alumni and unofficial affiliations declared by bar management.

Great dynasty. I blinked and missed it. So long, Blackhawks. Since winning Lord Stanley's Cup, you've won zero playoff series. That's one less than one. In two seasons. Um, changes please. Our stars didn't show up. Our kids played well but not well enough, and our goalies are good, not great. Someone has got to go, and I vote for one of the Patricks. Sharp or Kane, you choose, Stan Bowman. Maybe trade some of those kids for a stud goalie. Not a major blow-up. Just a tweaker.

We did Christmas cards last week, and since it's Christmas Eve Eve, I'll share my Chicago sports Christmas list with you. > > For the Bears: I want a new GM. Seriously. Jerry Angelo's oversights have pushed me over the edge. Thanks to an unbelievable combination of pride and stupidity, a playoff team will be staying home. That is unforgivable. I want someone young, smart and a step ahead. Not the guy who's the last man on the planet who knows what a good quarterback is and what a good receiver is. And what a good bet on the offensive line is. Whoever the...

For a moment, soccer fans' hearts might have almost jumped out of their chests Tuesday when they saw the title of one of NBC's new series: "Chicago Fire. " Alas, NBC's "Fire" is actually about the Chicago Fire Department, not the Chicago Fire MLS team that plays at Toyota Park in Bridgeview. Someone should give the suits at NBC a slap upside the head for getting our hopes up. The mis-titled series, though, gave RedEye an idea. What would other TV series really be about if they were named after Chicago sports teams?

There have been a lot of injuries, suspensions and absences in Chicago sports for one reason or another in recent days and weeks. Here's a scorecard on the status of some of the players involved.   IN Duncan Keith He'll return from suspension Thursday when the Blackhawks visit Minnesota.   OUT Jonathan Toews The injured Blackhawks captain is traveling with the team but not playing Thursday.   IN Richard Hamilton The Bulls guard returned to action Monday night in the team's loss to Houston.

We know it's tough, but it's time to put away your snazzy Team USA sunglasses and matching Speedo for a little while. You mean we were the only ones? Never mind then. Instead, just concentrate on catching up with the Chicago sports news you might have missed during the London Olympics.   BEARS So the Bears lost 38-3 in their preseason opener. Big deal. Most of the team's stars didn't play. We're much more concerned about Brian Urlacher's injured knee and, to a lesser extent, Stephen Paea's ailing left leg. Urlacher says he'll be ready for the opener, so start...

It's time to vote for the Chicago sports Stud and Dud of the Year! Last year CM Punk and Adam Dunn were our winners. Well, one of them looked like a winner, anyway. Thanks for your help choosing the nominees. Here's who made the final cut for our polls. Voting closes Dec. 25 for both polls. STUD OF THE YEAR NOMINEES, vote here Matt Grevers: The Lake Forest native won the 100-meter backstroke and helped Michael Phelps win gold in the 400 medley relay in London.

It's time to vote for the Chicago sports Stud and Dud of the Year! Last year CM Punk and Adam Dunn were our winners. Well, one of them looked like a winner, anyway. Thanks for your help choosing the nominees. Here's who made the final cut for our polls. Voting closes Dec. 25 for both polls. STUD OF THE YEAR NOMINEES, vote here Matt Grevers: The Lake Forest native won the 100-meter backstroke and helped Michael Phelps win gold in the 400 medley relay in London.

Winter has officially reared its ugly head. Central Standard Time has robbed us of daylight, the NHL has removed all incentive to pretend to care about the Blackhawks in November, Derrick Rose is tirelessly rehabbing his singular gift for making the Bulls watchable, and the Bears have entered their traditional period of darkness in which Jay Cutler is injured. We're on our own, now, Chicago. It's time to buy books and video games, and get excited because there's a sale on the big jug of the good whiskey.

It's time to honor the distinguished alumni of Chicago sports this evening. I'll be doing so at a dinner tonight. I don't have a location, or a time, but I think the attire will be business pathetic. Heck, we'll do it in my basement! We have three very deserving candidates, two of whom could have been kings here and absolutely did their best to throw it away. Let's welcome them. Ozzie Guillen. There are no words to describe how much goodwill and support you threw away after winning the World Series in 2005.

This past weekend the Chicago White Sox held a special Star Wars day at U.S. Cellular Field . People were encouraged to come to the game dressed as their favorite character to participate in an on-field parade. The 501st Midwest Garrison , the costuming group that is most often seen dressed as Imperial Stormtroopers , was invited. And Darth Vader even threw out the ceremonial first pitch. Oh yeah, the Force was strong with Star Wars geeks that day. Now, the White Sox weren't the only MLB team to hold such a day, and several minor...

We know it's tough, but it's time to put away your snazzy Team USA sunglasses and matching Speedo for a little while. You mean we were the only ones? Never mind then. Instead, just concentrate on catching up with the Chicago sports news you might have missed during the London Olympics.   BEARS So the Bears lost 38-3 in their preseason opener. Big deal. Most of the team's stars didn't play. We're much more concerned about Brian Urlacher's injured knee and, to a lesser extent, Stephen Paea's ailing left leg. Urlacher says he'll be ready for the...

So, some doofus at City Hall actually scheduled a NATO summit the same weekend the Cubs are hosting the White Sox. No worries for me. I was planning a weekend of protests anyway. Mine, however, were relegated to more important issues regarding baseball in Chicago. Here's a brief rundown of this weekend's events. All times are CST and approximate, and may in fact never happen. We'll see. Friday 9 a.m., Clark and Addison: Protesting the fact the Cubs can't hold a lead.

Perfection. Philip Humber achieved it Saturday when he became the 21st major-leaguer ever to pitch a perfect game. It was the highlight of a Chicago sports day that also might have been perfect. You be the judge.   Fire beats Toronto, 3-2 Dominic Oduro makes history of his own when he scores the quickest goal in Fire history. His goal just 25 seconds into the game was his team-leading third of the season. The win moved the Fire to 2-1-2 early in the MLS season.

There's no escaping March Madness. Thursday's real launch of the NCAA tournament - who really counts those play-in games - will send hard-core and casual fans alike into hysterics as four TV channels bombard the senses with buzzer-beaters, Cinderellas and blowouts all day long. Chances are, most people's brackets will be busted by noon, but that's all part of the fun. RedEye asked some local sports stars, media personalities and our very own staffers to make a few predictions about the tournament and share them with our readers.