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Bag Boy

SPORTS
December 8, 2011 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
Merry Christmas, Bears fans. It's over. For all you Cutler haters out there, now you know. He's the best we got, and we're nothing without him. Sorry D, it's true. Of course, this highlights another weakness: Jerry Angelo's stunning inability to evaluate offensive talent. Thanks for Caleb Hanie, Jerry. Reminds me of the year you stuck us with Jonathan Quinn and Craig Krenzel. No one scours the earth harder to find more duds at quarterback than this guy. Jerry, humor me. Donovan McNabb.
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SPORTS
December 15, 2011 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
I'm filling out some Christmas cards here; I thought I'd share them with you. Just some warm wishes to some of Chicago's movers and shakers.   Dear Jerry Angelo, God, you're awful. I hope you retire in 2012 and move someplace warm. Seriously dude, injuries exposed you for the sham you are. No backup QB, none. The offensive line always breaks down and we know about the receivers. Please, retire now before they (me) run you out of town. Hint: It's already happening.
SPORTS
December 29, 2011 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
I guess it's time for some New Year's resolutions that probably won't stick. I wouldn't hold me to any of these because I'm a hypocrite. > > I resolve not to watch the Bears game Sunday or ever again until we get a new general manager and maybe a new coach who isn't comatose after every loss--and even some wins. Hey, look! Josh McCown wasn't that bad (Wasn't that bad, by the way, gets you wins against Denver, Kansas City and Seattle. Playoffs). Five Pro Bowlers? Really? That seems high to me. Though Jerry Angelo's first-ever offensive Pro Bowler Matt Forte (yay!
SPORTS
January 12, 2012 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
I think I found the right person to lead the Bears. This is a statement hire. It speaks volumes about taking ownership of the problem and meeting it head-on. She's been here the whole time, people. I'm advocating that Virginia Halas McCaskey come down/step up and take over as Bears general manager. Yes, follow the Jerry Jones-Dallas Cowboy model. In the first year alone, I see the following happening. > > New sideline mascot: A live Bear. > > The Bears win the Super Bowl and two weeks later take on the college all stars.
SPORTS
February 9, 2012 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
Lo', behold, it's a sign of light. That was some terrible English, and half those words probably don't exist - yet - but the Bears may have gotten one right. Jeremy Bates, quarterbacks coach and future foul language confidant of Jay Cutler, welcome aboard. I'm so glad it's a) someone Cutler has worked with before and b) someone Cutler has worked really well with before. As in 2008, Pro Bowl season, 4,500 yards. You figure with Bears QBs at their usual 1,000 yards-a-season clip, it takes 4.5 years to come up with that around here.
SPORTS
April 5, 2012 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
Sadly, it's here. The 2012 Major League Baseball season preview, Chicago edition. Look, no sugarcoating here, so let's break it down. This is going to be awful on many levels. Bad up north, bad down south. Cubs first. I'm inclined to go easy on these guys for attempting the impossible. Yes, they are overhauling the entire franchise, gutting it from top to bottom, flushing out all of the bad attitudes, karma and talent that doesn't belong. People, this is a monumental job. It's the athletic equivalent of overhauling the U.S. Tax Code, and just as painful.
SPORTS
April 12, 2012 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
I'd like to speak with you seriously for a moment about words. We all use them. And I've seen a number of them lately that have sounded some alarms. They create fear, uncertainty, anxiety and ulcers. Especially this time of year heading into the NBA and NHL playoffs. Those words are: "doubtful," "questionable," "unlikely," "undecided," "sidelined" and "inactive. " It's driving me crazy. Those words refer to our two biggest stars this time of year: Jonathan Toews and Derrick Rose.
SPORTS
April 19, 2012 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
Difficult to watch. The thuggery. The brutality. The career-threatening injuries. And that's just the NBA. How about that NHL? Here's a secret: There's only one reason any team, in any sport, would resort to violence. It's because they can't get it done on talent alone. So long Raffi Torres, hopefully forever. You make Dino Cicarelli look like a choir boy. And so long, fun NHL. This is not the league of Rocket Richard. This is the league of the Hansen brothers.
SPORTS
April 26, 2012 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
Great dynasty. I blinked and missed it. So long, Blackhawks. Since winning Lord Stanley's Cup, you've won zero playoff series. That's one less than one. In two seasons. Um, changes please. Our stars didn't show up. Our kids played well but not well enough, and our goalies are good, not great. Someone has got to go, and I vote for one of the Patricks. Sharp or Kane, you choose, Stan Bowman. Maybe trade some of those kids for a stud goalie. Not a major blow-up. Just a tweaker.
SPORTS
May 10, 2012 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
That took long enough. I've been throwing stuff for years. Hats off to Kerry Wood who did something rash, disgusting, inexplicable and inexcusable. He had an honest expression of emotion and (gasp!) threw his cap and glove into the crowd the other night. Bravo. I hate watching the Cubs. Sad, but true. They are a constant reminder that all the money in the world can't solve deep-rooted problems in culture and philosophy. Heck, St. Louis lost Albert Pujols, Tony LaRussa and Dave Duncan and they're humming along.
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