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SPORTS
November 17, 2011 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
It's a tough week to wear orange around here. First, to Champaign. Dear Mr. Zook, the party is over; it's time for you to move on. I realize not everyone can be a football factory like Penn State (ooh, bad example) or Ohio State (ooh, another bad example) or Michigan (a terrible example) but you have to beat all of these teams on their down years, which comes along once every 25 years or so. And you haven't. And you lost your mind at a news conference. Not a good sign.
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SPORTS
May 8, 2014 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
I saw a fascinating headline this week. One that inspired me. It said simply "Niklas Hjalmarsson unable to speak, but will play. " And I thought, what if certain athletes had a "no speak, play only" clause in their contract? Say I'm a sports agent. I don't negotiate for ludicrous sums of money. I negotiate for "my client only wants to play, he doesn't want to talk" clauses. You say I'm crazy. I say look at our athletes in Chicago. Who's really good at talking? Right now, approximately … no one. Jay Cutler isn't.
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SPORTS
November 10, 2011 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
Out of sight, out of mind. Let's get you updated on the latest in the NBA talks. Nothing. There, you're updated. Sorry, but the message remains: Nobody misses you. I miss the Bulls, because they're not really like the NBA. They play good team ball, and it's fun watching Derrick Rose run around and pass the ball, and they play hard. But I don't miss the rest of the league. The overpriced players, the Miami Heat, the trash talking, the over-hyped, underperforming stars who never earn their money or their reputations.
SPORTS
April 30, 2014 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
Boy, I would love to write a nice, poetic obituary for the Bulls. You know, it would talk about how much effort they gave, how much they hustled, how they shared the ball, how they lost their major stars and went on and had a great season and postseason. That, my friends, is the difference between Hollywood and Chicago. In Hollywood, the Bulls go on and have a deep run in the playoffs, maybe win the title through the magic of Tom Thibodeau's coaching. No. in Chicago, we live in the real world.
SPORTS
February 23, 2012 | By Bag Boy, ror RedEye
Here it is, the long awaited RedEye exclusive interview with Coach Q's Mustache ( @coachqsmustache ).   Jonathan Toews is still sidelined, you worried? We've had newborn babies with more hair on their faces than Johnny had in the 2010 playoffs, but we still love him … always concerned when there's an upper-body injury … my first instinct was "oh no, not the lip again," but he'll be OK. What's your wish list at trade deadline? Besides you losing the bag on your head?
SPORTS
June 14, 2012 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
Let's keep this real simple. Jose Quintana is the White Sox's fifth starter. Philip Humber, it's been fun. You had a nice 15 minutes, but that's it. Your new home is the bullpen, and if it's not there, it's in another city. Maybe Charlotte, N.C. Sorry, it's a race. Can't wait for you to right things. And Gavin Floyd, seriously, figure it out. Because right now, you and Humber are renting a two-bedroom in Charlotte. Hope you like NASCAR. OK, how about this one. Floyd and Humber to the Cubs for … Ryan Dempster.
SPORTS
November 3, 2011 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
It's time for a special episode of "Chicago Story. " Warning: it's a rerun. Someone is clearly on his way to greatness here, has a falling out, goes and achieves greatness somewhere else and returns here for the twilight years. Think Greg Maddux. Can't help but think of that one as Jerry Reinsdorf is wooing Tony La Russa. "Should never have fired him. " "Worst mistake ever. " "I wanted to make sure he landed on his feet. " I'll recap: Sox can La Russa, he goes on to win multiple titles with the A's and Cardinals.
SPORTS
July 19, 2012 | By Bag Boy
I do apologize, but I am about to say the six most frightening words ever muttered in Chicago: All the pieces are in place. Please stop screaming. First said in 1996 by then-coach Dave Wannstedt, it - of course - meant the Bears were finally set to make a Super Bowl run. It was a disaster. The QB broke his neck, Bryan Cox was worthless and our kicker was Carlos Huerta. After years of therapy, I have never really recovered from the Wannstedt years. We're talking permanent damage.
SPORTS
February 25, 2013 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
Through all the Blackhawks' ups and downs this season - OK, they've mostly been ups - there has been one constant: coach Joel Quenneville's fabulous mustache. You can find him on Twitter - @coachqsmustache, of course. The anonymous tweeter - he has no affiliation with the coach or team - took time out of his busy grooming schedule to speak to our very own Bag Boy. Bag Boy: Stache, a phenomenal start. Which player has surprised you most? @coachqsmustache: A mustache never picks favorites, you know that.
SPORTS
December 6, 2012 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
It's time to pay some respect to the best football team in Illinois. We've been desperate for one around here. The Bears - what's left of them - are old and creaky. That leaves us with the MAC champion, Orange Bowl-bound Northern Illinois Huskies. Let's have some fun with this gem in the cornfield. Here is some stuff you didn't know. Their quarterback is Jordan Lynch. Chicago guy, a Mount Carmel grad. I like him. He should win the Heisman. I'm serious. Dude has similar stats to Johnny Manziel of Texas A&M. Jordan, you're a junior.
SPORTS
March 27, 2014 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
Well, this is going to take some getting used to. Jared Allen, longtime Minnesota Viking, is now ours. Take that, Julius Peppers. We basically traded a banged up rusty Buick for a shinier, less rusty Cadillac. Those are terrible analogies, given that modern day cars don't seem to rust, but I'm happy with the exchange. The question remains: How do I start liking Jared. Oh heck, you got me! I love him already! (Reminds me of the Dennis Rodman trade. Minute One: Wait! I hate that guy!
SPORTS
March 20, 2014 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
Well thank you, Mr. President. He just jinxed my bracket. I had Michigan State all set as the national champion. Oh, and I'm not a late arriver to this party, either. I've watched them all year, even when they were injured. I know what they're capable of! Then they blow away the Big Ten in the conference tournament, and the next thing, everyone on ESPN picks them and then of course, the chief executive. I'm tempted to change mine to Louisville but guess what? That's everyone else's second pick as well.
SPORTS
December 18, 2013 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
It's Christmas card time and I have only one this year. And it goes to the Detroit Lions. Dear bankrupt, sorry, toads of the NFL, Thank you for your disgusting, lackluster attempts at football this season. While real football franchises such as the Packers and Bears struggled with injuries, you had none. You had the division title given to you on a silver platter, and you were not man enough to take it. Ridiculous losses against the Eagles and Ravens have lowered you to butt clown status.
SPORTS
December 1, 2013 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
While we're all busy breaking up the Bulls, let's break up the Bears, too. We're good at that around here, breaking teams up before they win anything. But before that, we say goodbye to the Metrodome. If there ever was a facility that won't be missed by the Bag, this is the one. Never liked the noise, turf, people, roof, that silly horn and, of course, the teams. Twins and Vikings, both hated. Here are my Top 5 moments: 1. Sept. 19, 1985: Jim McMahon throws three TDs off the bench.
SPORTS
October 31, 2013 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
I love weeks like these in Chicago. I call them the "at least you know where you stand" weeks. A nice test for the Bulls on Tuesday night in Miami and a friendly reminder - in case it wasn't already a loud voice screaming from your gut - "We can't beat these guys!" Yes, we welcome back Derrick Rose. Yes, he looks amazing and is going to be so much fun to watch. But let's not kid ourselves - we're not the Heat. Or. Better yet, here's a great idea - let's kid ourselves! Yes, let's.
SPORTS
October 24, 2013 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
It's sad when it ends like this. I am talking about the Bears season, but I'm also speaking of the great Bears defense. So many years. So many wins. So many pick-sixes, forced fumbles, great players. It had to end sometime and it has ended … now. Brian Urlacher gone. Lance Briggs out 4-6 weeks, nearing the end of the road. Charles Tillman getting beaten badly by … the Redskins. Julius Peppers with nothing on the board this season. It couldn't last forever, but I sure wanted it to. Nope.
SPORTS
June 20, 2013 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
OK, enough with the overtime games. I've complained about this to no end, but now I really mean it. I've aged, like, five years in the past week. And please, I wasn't young to begin with. I went from, you know, a touch of salt and pepper, to something a bit closer to … Bob Barker. OK, looks aside, my biggest problem is of course Game 4. It's one thing to get beat by a physical team, to lose against Tuukka Rask. It's quite another to lose because of two goals by Patrice Bergeron.
SPORTS
December 1, 2011 | By Bag Boy, For RedEye
I think I've got this sabermetrics thing figured out. I'm on to Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer. After analyzing charts of data, tendencies, numerous situations, probabilities, outcomes, statistics, the Cubs have figured out they need to go after Prince Fielder and/or Albert Pujols. Well, duh. I could have told you that. Geniuses, I'll tell ya. If they're so smart, how come David DeJesus is a Cub? Guy hit less than .250 last year. I want to see his metrics. You know, watching these guys go after the big boys, I suddenly remembered something about the Boston Red Sox....
SPORTS
September 19, 2013 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
Well, that was quick. I'm not sure I'm done savoring the Blackhawks offseason, but it's back to the ice already. They beat Detroit the other night in an exhibition. I have no comments, no insight, no snarky remarks, no anything to report other than, "Hey, I'm still exhausted from last season. I'm not ready yet!" And yet, here we go. Yours truly also hasn't had any quality alone time with the Cup. Everyone else I know in Chicago has seen it! Relatives keep sending me pictures.
SPORTS
August 8, 2013 | By Bag Boy and For RedEye
Hard to believe, but we have ourselves a football game Friday. Normally the first preseason game is an opportunity for the Bears to roll out the same old same old, but darn it, this year is different. The first thing is, it's OK to admit you're not familiar with the modern NFL. You've been living in Chicago after all, so it's not your fault. I'm here to get you updated. Please follow along with your programs. No. 74 is new. He's Jermon Bushrod, from New Orleans. He is a "Pro Bowl left tackle.
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