Blackhawks defenseman Niklas Hjalmarsson doesn't need to talk to… (Scott Strazzante / Chicago…)
I saw a fascinating headline this week. One that inspired me. It said simply "Niklas Hjalmarsson unable to speak, but will play." And I thought, what if certain athletes had a "no speak, play only" clause in their contract?
Say I'm a sports agent. I don't negotiate for ludicrous sums of money. I negotiate for "my client only wants to play, he doesn't want to talk" clauses.
You say I'm crazy. I say look at our athletes in Chicago. Who's really good at talking?
Right now, approximately … no one. Jay Cutler isn't. He hates it. And he makes no effort to hide it.
Fine. Take less money, but no talk.
Back to the Blackhawks. I'm taking a different approach after the 4-0 loss to the Wild. The approach is that I've already seen this movie before. I already know how this ends. I'm bored! In other words, Hawks recover, win series, and continue down the dynasty path. Repeat next series. No talk necessary.
Same goes for baseball. Right now, our most exciting players on the Sox all use interpreters. In fact, early vote for Sox MVP in 2014: the White Sox interpreter.
Speaking of which, I had no idea the Cubs and Sox were even playing this week. I would say this series has lost some luster. Yeah, it does that when both teams are endlessly rebuilding. I'd complain, but maybe out of sight, out of mind is the way to go here.
Although, any chance to watch Jose Abreu is worth taking. An actual gem. Cub fans, watch. This is what your fab four in the minors likely won't look like one day.
But that's OK, because the NFL draft has finally arrived! Yes, after sifting through, let's see, 187 mock drafts, I can only conclude that no one knows any more than I do about what's happening with the Bears.
So for those guys who sit on couches and chairs and wear checkered shirts and talk about sports on TV, know this: You're adding nothing to the conversation. Repeat: Nothing.
Oh, if you could only play and not talk.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.
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