Grooms should be on their best behavior. (Getty Images/Blend Images )
Wedding season is upon us. The proof is in the save-the-dates—including my own—that cover my fridge. Not that I need the reminder. Ever since I got engaged, it has been all wedding, all the time.
The plan is simple: Get to the "I do" without becoming a monster. You think bridezillas get a bad name? I have seen all kinds of men on TV and in real life turn into horrible beasts as a result of this process, and that's not a good thing.
One of the women I know is engaged to a man who is on the express lane to monster-dom. The dude is arguing with her over the design of bridesmaid dresses!
C'mon, men! Whether your wedding is uber-traditional, steampunk or "Walking Dead"-themed, in the end it is supposed to be a celebration of joy and togetherness.
I'll be honest: I don't know much about weddings. I've been to a few. If you ask me about them, I'll tell you about the bar and the dance floor and what I wore, 'cause that's all that matters to me. What I do know is that wedding planning is the process of making decisions about detail, and being the guy standing at the altar when this whole thing goes down makes him "involved."
For grooms who want to be especially involved, you'd better make sure your future spouse is ready for that and, more importantly, that you know what you're doing.
Here's how I approach wedding planning: As the groom, I separate the duties into three distinct categories. There's the "I dominate" area, the "I venture" area and the "I avoid" area. Tuxedos, I dominate. Cake flavor, I venture. Anything dress-related, I avoid.
"I dominate" is the area when the decisions are right up my alley. These are the decisions that mean the most to me as a groom. This is the area where the groom's opinion reigns supreme, and even the bride and the wedding planner have to default to him. This stuff is totally in his domain.
The "I avoid" area is the direct opposite of "I dominate." These are the decisions that are a million miles from my alley and mean way more to her than they do to me. Here, the groom's opinion means squat, and pushing it is a recipe for disaster.
"I venture" is the area between "I dominate" and "I avoid." None of this stuff is up my alley, but there's no danger and a little bit of desire. The decisions in this area may or may not require my input. However, the input is welcome and my opinions have some weight. For the "especially involved" groom, this is where you shine.
Grooms: Be involved. Stay in your comfort zone. Know that long after the wedding is over, the process remains. Push for your way and years from now, someone looking at the wedding picture will say, "Those are beautiful bridesmaid dresses," and your response will be, "Yeah, we fought over the color for a month."
The wedding day is supposed to be the greatest day of your life. Choose the approach that best makes this happen—even if the decision is no decisions at all.
Yusef Williams is a RedEye special contributor.
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