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Cubs mascots are missing something

  • Billy Cub is an unofficial mascot of the Cubs.
Billy Cub is an unofficial mascot of the Cubs. (Jose M. Osorio / Chicago…)
April 10, 2014|By Bag Boy | For RedEye

I would like to talk with you candidly about a very personal subject matter to me.

I'm speaking, of course, of mascots.

We had an incident in Wrigleyville (of course, where else?). A man parading around as an unsanctioned mascot gets picked on by an inebriated fan and retaliates with a punch.

And this got me to thinking. I'd like to start a club for what I call "honest mascots" out there.

Think about it. Look at Clark, the Cubs' new mascot. We hate him already, because every time you see him, he has a goofy grin on his face. Everything is great!

Well, it's not great. I'm proposing a new mascot, at least for the next six-year rebuilding project. He should be a Cub Bear, he should wear a uniform, but he should walk around drunk and depressed all the time.

And he's got reason to be. Early returns on the Cubs are as follows: Yes, I am afraid it's as bad as it looks.

They're basically in last place, with no hope of getting better.

The White Sox, on the other hand, are on to something.

They may not be going to the postseason, but man, Jose Abreu, you are a godsend. As advertised, that's what Darrin Jackson used to say.

Bad news: Avisail Garcia is hurt. It's minor, but aren't you always nervous with the big guys? When they tumble around the bases, something always snaps. Yeah, I'm scared.

And I'm scared for the Blackhawks. I'm scared because of the "It's OK, we're banged up now, but we'll be ready for the playoffs!" mode.

Great. Except that never really works around here. It's "injured player comes back for the playoffs, and the chemistry isn't right, and we lose in the first round" (that applies to all sports).

Even the Bulls. It looks like we have Ronnie Brewer back on board. Is it me or do we always end up with guys we traded away because we didn't like them enough in the first place, like Kirk Hinrich?

So, yeah, welcome back, I guess.

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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