There aren't many reasons to believe Chicago baseball will be worth… (US Presswire )
Before we begin, I would just like to say thank you to, in no particular order, the NCAA tournament, the NFL offseason, the NBA (that's you, Bulls) and of course the Blackhawks for all they've done this winter and spring.
And they've done a lot. They have essentially kept me distracted, kept me occupied and really prevented me from having to look at—oh my god, Chicago's two baseball teams.
Cue that black and white horror movie scream by that one girl. Screech!
In case you were wondering, because I kind of was, yes, it is that bad around here! And it's going to be for a long time.
We do congratulate the Cubs, though, on being first. The first to attempt a replay challenge in a major league game. Yay! Way to go! They lost the challenge, of course, but I'd rather have the history!
The White Sox may—MAY—be OK. They have a nice start but please be warned: They're playing the Twins!
Back in New York, the league is deciding whether to count these games. Hard to blame them.
Just a quick question: How did someone who hasn't pitched in a game since 2012 become our second starter? I'm looking at you, Felipe Paulino. Who are you?
Oh it's spring, it's early. Maybe the kids can play. I hope they can. We're paying them like adults.
Besides, look around. Oh, what's happened to the Blackhawks? We have no Kaner, we have no Toews. We're falling behind the Blues.
Yeah, sure, this was bound to happen, but according to my schedule? It was supposed to happen TEN YEARS FROM NOW!
It's OK, it's OK. We can almost make it to football. We have, in a month, the NFL draft. We can draft … another defensive lineman! Is it me or do we already have like 25 of those already?
I need to get better at math.
I do know there are four teams left in the NCAA tournament. How many of those have I picked?
Approximately … zero. Again, I say thank you, Mr. President, for picking Louisville and Michigan State like I did.
I'm going to make like a Republican and blame you for everything!
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.
Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye Sports' Facebook page.