(E. Jason Wambsgans / Chicago…)
Don't you get so tired of the same old flavors of diet drinks and shakes? Come on, people, it's 2014. The weight-loss world needs to expand beyond the traditional chocolate, vanilla and strawberry routine. If scientists can split atoms, they can surely invent some tasty new artificial flavorings for those of us who want to lose weight as deliciously as possible.
I'm happy to say that one food company got the message ... sorta. The culinary Picassos at J&D's Foods—you may know them as the fine purveyors of bacon salt and baconnaise—recently introduced a spiffy new line of diet shakes, which include BaconTrim "for a sizzling hot body" and GravyTrim to "gravy your way to a better you."
Who doesn't love bacon? We put it on everything already—liquefying it into a milkshake was inevitable, wouldn't you say? And gravy? No Thanksgiving meal is complete without gravy drizzled over everything, am I right? So is it that weird to drink it straight out of a can with a straw?
I can't decide whether the marketers at J&D Foods are geniuses or literally have no taste.
On one hand, they've taken some of our favorite foods and tried to make them healthy, which is a pretty sound strategy for diet foods in general. (Chocolate, hello?) But on the other hand, the very idea of sipping a bacon milkshake makes me want to hurl, which I suppose may be part of the intended weight-loss strategy.
Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps BaconTrim and GravyTrim will soon become the cronut of the diet industry. That's why I've come up with a few of my own new and improved healthy shake flavors, which may give these J&D products a run for their money (or maybe a partnership idea?).
Think about it: The main reason we love bacon is that it's super fatty and greasy, right? And butter is basically all fat, which means we can't go much higher on the taste totem pole. Butter Trim: It truly melts the fat away.
Haven't you ever wondered what a fresh tuna sandwich would taste like if it were all blended up and sipped with a soup soon? Me neither. But now you can, with TunaTrim, for a body that will attract all the fish in the sea.
You don't have to give up your favorite foods to be healthy, which is why you'll love PizzaTrim. It conveniently comes with your choice of mix-in toppings, like pineapple or pepperoni! Just pour your shake in a tall glass, stir in your favorite toppings, sip and enjoy! PizzaTrim: Losing weight is easy as pie!
You don't have to be jealous of your long and lanky kittens any longer. The secret to their petite frames is all in their diet—yes, cat food! It's primary ingredient is poultry byproduct meal, which probably tastes a lot like chicken, but let's be honest: You won't care what's in CatfoodTrim—you'll be too busy purring about your svelte new bod!
Jen Kim is a RedEye special contributor.