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Where can an older couple find a third, sexually and socially?

(Peter Macdiarmid / Getty…)
February 28, 2014|By Anna Pulley | For RedEye

Dear Anna,

I have never written to anyone on this subject before. First, we are not young kids. I am 56, my wife is 55. We've been married 31 years and for 28 of those years we have had a big problem in the bedroom, which I thought was me. She has no interest in male pleasure. Just about three years ago she admitted she is only turned on by and attracted to women -- but she is now used to me. We have tried the Internet to find a third, but only get young kids every now and then for one-nighters. Where and how can we connect with an older woman for a relationship socially, not just sexually? 

 -- Bi Trouble

Dear Trouble,

Try the Elks Club, it's so much more than mini quiches and golfing! I'd give you the number, but I've been banned for life. Turns out "hunting" and "tail" meant something else to them.

I'm just kidding, BT. I think it's admirable that you and your wife are trying to accommodate each other's sexual needs, and that you've decided to stick with your marriage despite what many would consider an insurmountable conundrum, aka your wife's latent girl leanings. 

Since you are right about hookup culture tending to favor the young and strong of knee, I think your best bet probably would be to join a swingers club. Are there swingers clubs in the Chicago area? That's like asking if there are any Illinois governors in prison. Meaning: Yes! Several! Though, just as you need to venture outside the city for actual parking spaces, so it is with swingers clubs, which exist, nee THRIVE, in several suburban areas. A few of them are Couples Choice, Club Release and Private Affairs.

The North American Swing Club Association, NASCA, has lots more information on the subject, as well as club listings all over North America. Swingers clubs tend to skew older and involve a lot of socializing -- some clubs have full-blown dinners, vacation getaways, conferences and more, which should meet you and your wife's desire for a longer-term partner.

There also are websites that cater to more mature audiences, though I can't vouch for any in particular, this being new territory even for me. Seniorsizzle.com is free to join, if you can get past the Photoshopped couple at the top who appear to be screwing their way out of a fiery vortex. There also are dating sites like Plenty of Fish and FetLife. The latter is a BDSM/kink-heavy site, but you don't have to be into, say, getting caned by a guy in a dinosaur costume while he covers you in Dijon mustard to join. There are many variations of kinkiness, and most would count "threesomes" among the ranks.

Good luck, BT. And remember -- you're not old, you're experienced.

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