Sorry, but the Bears are doomed

  • Now that Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers is back, the Bears are doomed.
Now that Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers is back, the Bears are doomed. (US Presswire )
December 26, 2013|By Bag Boy | For RedEye

The nightmare scenario is upon us.

Aaron Rodgers returns Sunday for the Packers, and the Bears will not be able to stop him.

That's because the Bears can't stop anybody. My favorite reaction from the Bears stomping by the Eagles was this: "Let's burn the tape."

Yeah, let's burn the tape. Hey, Jay Cutler, when your agent sits down with the Bears and pitches a ridiculous contract, I'd like to say, "Um, sorry Jay, didn't get a chance to review your performance this year. We burned the tapes."

I've been predicting this outcome so long I'm already bored by it.

Rodgers comes back. The Packers win. The Bears stay home for the playoffs. Pouty-faced Jay has no explanations. See you around, Jay. We'll take our chances with someone else.

Yeah, that's how I am feeling. Full circle. First, I wanted him here. Now, let's spend the money on defense.

Including a new defensive coordinator. Mel Tucker, seriously. Any defense that stinks the joint up that bad is unprepared. That's on you.

So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and everyone can stay home for the playoffs and contemplate their futures.

That includes you, Henry Melton. Nice job getting arrested in Texas. You join an elite group that includes Tank Johnson and Cedric Benson. Great company, huh?

I'd say I can't wait to get you back, but I'm sensing Tommie Harris syndrome. Once that knee gets injured, they're never the same.

Sorry you came back for this, Lance Briggs. The guys have a lot to learn from you, obviously.

As a belated Christmas present, the Cubs are in on the bidding for Masahiro Tanaka.

He's Japanese, he's real good, and of course the other bidders are: (stop me if you've heard these before) the Yankees, Angels and Dodgers.

For the low, low price of $20 million, you earn the right to bid on him! So Japan really does have a mafia! I gotta watch those Quentin Tarantino movies.

Well, it won't matter. The Yankees or Angels will beat the Cubs to this one.

Oh, I forgot. "Wait 'til our prospects all get here! What a team we'll have!"

That won't translate.

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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