WEEK 5 of the Survivor Fantasy Football League saw fortunes continue to change; Week 4 had Soxman - Chicago’s #1 White Sox fan – tumble in the standings after his high-powered lineup fizzled out. Meanwhile, Chicago’s King of Geeks – yours truly – rallied into a tie for the division lead. Now, as bitter rivals go into Week 6, Soxman bemoans his fantasy team choking worse than his beloved Sox did in 2012.
And I can just sit back and chuckle:
Soxman: You are familiar with the Chinese Zodiac right? You know, given the year you were born you are supposed to resemble the luck, spirit, traits, etc. of a particular animal. Hence “the Year of the Dragon.”
Well if there were a Geek’s Zodiac, and fantasy football were an indicator, 2013 would be the “Year of the Elliott Serrano”.
But before we get off of the Year of the Dragon reference, I liken my arch rival to that of Bruce LeRoy in the 80’s cult classic, “The Last Dragon”. Remember, that film?
“Am I the baddest?”
Elliott: This was me after I saw the results of the Monday Night game between Atlanta and New York:
When Matt Ryan pooped his pants against the Jets, I swept my weekend matchups.
So yeah, I am the baddest.
Soxman: Yeah before we “disgust” my performance (did you like that play on words?), lets ride you a little more. (Words Elliott will NEVER hear from a female…then again you are truly slimming down with this whole Jedi thing so maybe you DO have a CHANCE with Princess Leia’s lesser known younger sister Princess Lei Ya).
Drum Beat. Thanks folks I’m here all week.
Seriously though, I have to tip my socks to you. Not only are you locked in with Drew Brees, who pretty much assures you 2-3 TDs per week, (which in our scoring system is a TRUE asset) but you have a genuine knack of grabbing guys off the scrap heap to yolk historic performances. Danny Woodhead (2 TDs) two weeks ago and now Alshon Jeffrey (218 Receiving yards and a TD) this week.
Are you truly developing a Jedi ability to see the future or is it just luck? If so, have any advice for this super hero? Don’t go all “Star Wars Diva” on me either and quote the scene where Yoda says “impossible to see the future is, the Dark Side clouds EVERYTHING.”
Elliott: I chalk it up to dumb luck on my part and poor planning on the part of other league members. I don’t blame you for dropping Woodhead, since he was underperforming at the time, and quite honestly still does. But when another league member dropped Alshon hoping to sneak him through the waiver system, I jumped on him. And after he had his record-breaking night for the Bears, I got an angry phone call and was told that I was "a vulture".
(And this was the wife of the league commissioner! CONTROL YOUR WOMAN PHIL!)
I still can’t believe that you’ve held on to Eagles QB – and cautionary tale – Michael Vick. Talk about bust-ville.
Soxman: Yes I admit it, perhaps it is time that I put Michael Vick in the doghouse (ummm ok perhaps a poor choice of analogies) as he has bit me one too many times (ouch! two in a row with the bad analogies) and look at my bench options. In fairness he looked like he was going to have an epic game rushing before he pulled his hammy.
Bad lineup choices cost me at least one victory as I left almost 30 points on my bench between Julius Thomas and Russell Wilson. I now fall to 8-7 while you are tied for the best record in the league at 11-4!
My strategy this point forward? I’ll give you a hint: there’s going to be a glute attack this week. That’s ALL I'M SAYING. There better be, or the fantasy field of play for me might fall apart faster than Gotham’s football field did at the hands of Bane in a Dark Knight Rises.
Elliott: Well, considering that in our league we play 3 games/teams at a time round-robin style, it’s easy to get back into the mix of things. It’s even easier to fall out of the running too. So I’m not gonna get to full of myself. But I think I made a few moves that will help bolster my running game during the long stretch of mid-season…
Soxman: You traded Phillip Rivers to the Khan of our league, RedEye.com's Brian Moore! WHY???
Soxman clinches his fists, tilts his head up to the sky and screams: "MOOOOORE!"
When you gave me the option of me making you an offer for him, I know you thought I was likely pulling a Jedi mind trick telling you to hold onto him, but I was 100% serious. It was like pulling Imperial Cruisers from guarding the Death Star.