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Why 28 is the age no one wants to be

October 08, 2013|By Ernest Wilkins, @ernestwilkins | RedEye

As of this writing, I am 28 years old. It kind of sucks. Not the whole “being alive” part, that's been dope. It's the concept of embracing your coming age. There’s a culture of younger people hesitating to discuss how damn weird it is getting older and how much things change. Tell you what, I'm going to buck tradition and give some #realtalk for those not blessed enough to make it to 26 yet. Here's the five things I wish I knew before entering my late 20s.

Everyone hates you.

Not really, but it seems like that way. Older people roll their eyes that you aren't “living in the real world” (Funny, they misspelled “be as miserable as I am”) and everyone younger than you rolls their eyes at how you aren't relevant to whatever the new hot ______ is. You know, when they aren't looking at you in shock that you're not in a retirement home at 28.

One of your friends has peaked already.

Sad but true. Your immediate friend group now contains a person who's highest point of confidence and happiness was years ago, most likely in college. Got a buddy blacking out every Friday even though he's knocking on 30? Got a girlfriend who organizes your events like it's rush week even though she hasn't been in college since '08? Be a good friend and keep them involved in new stuff while cherishing the fun you used to have. All the good times, fewer hangovers.

One of your friends thinks being an adult means being boring.

Ask 20 people what being an “adult” means. You'll get 18 different answers and two people saying “Buying a house” like it's still the ‘50s or something. One of your buddies has decided adulthood means foregoing all the passion he/she possessed in life and becoming the social equivalent of reheated lasagna. Yeah, it's good, but MAN, does it always disappoint you on a Saturday night.

You can't dance anymore.*

What happened? I used to be out there juking, footworking, popping, locking (but never dropping) and now the best you can get from me is a shoulder lean and a two-step before I say screw it and go back to the bar. (*Note: All this goes out the window after a few drinks. Don't step to me on the floor, I'll embarrass you and your whole family)

You get an unrealistic sense of nostalgia.

Hey mom? I get it now. If I have to hear another one of my friends whine and moan about how much _______ sucks compared back to the good ol' days, Im going to eat my Cement Grey 4's. A brief look at things that were popular when I was in high school: Papa Roach. B2K. Michelle Branch. Trapt. Daniel Bedingfield. “Joe Millionaire.” Who in the hell are we kidding? We grew up during a pretty crappy time and that's just anyone who went to high school between '01 - '04! I'll take Drake over Sean Paul ANY DAY; don't get it twisted.

So yeah, younger people. Remember that no one cares about you. You can either let that depress you or use it as motivation to do whatever the hell you want. Older folks, cut us some damn slack like you weren't all running crazy in the ‘70s and ‘80s with bad haircuts and recreational drug habits. Now if you need me, I'm going to ice my damn back.

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