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Looking to settle down? There's a beer for that

September 30, 2013|By Courtney Jacquin @courtneyjacquin | RedEye

What do your beer choices say about you? Evidently a lot, according to a new survey from Zoosk.

The dating website surveyed 2,800 of its members online earlier this month, comparing beer preferences with their dating habits, and plenty of sweeping generalizations were made.

Basically, I’m calling BS on this survey, because you can take two popular things--beer and dating-- and find an overlap for anything. Football fans who like to casually date? Sure! People who like things and also like doing stuff? Yes. Absolutely.

According to the survey, 31 percent of men who prefer microbrews aren’t looking for something long-term, and microbrew drinkers are the most likely of the group to have a one-night-stand. Who knew your Gumballhead was outing you like this?! With this news, you’ll never trust your date again when they choose something from that craft menu. What happens when you go on a date where they specialize in craft beers? This new way of living is full of dilemmas.

If you’re ready to settle down, ordering a Miller is your ticket down the aisle, for some reason. Or maybe it’s just because the kind of people whose go-to beer of choice is a domestic beer are boring and not interested in general fun things. Just kidding, marriage types, you can be fun too. I have a friend who’s been in a serious relationship for about seven years and is certainly going to marry her significant other in the future. She loves craft beer. She’s living a lie.

Other choice conclusions: Family-friendly types are fans of light beer--92 percent of light beer drinkers are cool with dating someone with kids, and ultra-light beer drinkers prefer romantic evenings and "talking about life goals." Your No. 1 life goal should be to not have an ultra-light as your beer of choice.

Those introverted dog-loving types are totally into imported beer, the survey says. They’re also the least likely to have had a one-night-stand.

Here’s what your beer choices actually say about you: If your choice is a domestic you’re either boring, newly graduated from a state school or my dad. Light beer? You’re still in college (or wish you were). Ultra-light? It’s OK; you can stop pretending you like beer now. Microbrew? You actually like beer, or you’re really good at being pretentious. I know plenty of people who drink beers from each of those categories, and I can guarantee that the reason a relationship wouldn’t work out isn’t because of their beer choice, it’s probably just because I hate everyone.

Also, what about those folks who don’t drink beer at all? Do they even have a chance in this world?

But actually, no one cares what beer you drink. Just order a damn beer, date who you want and enjoy yourself.

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