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Advice: Long-distance chastity

  • Could a long-distance affair turn into a face-to-face relationship? You bet!
Could a long-distance affair turn into a face-to-face relationship? You… (Peter Cade / Getty Images )
September 26, 2013|Anna Pulley, @annapulley | RedEye's sex columnist

Dear Anna,
About six months ago I started online sexy chatting with someone in another coutnry. We got along in this way and started to get along in other ways, too. We began to talk around six hours a day. Just recently I visited him; the sex and everything else is unbelievable. He's visiting me in about a month or so, and we agreed to stay true to each other until then. But herein lies the rub, or lack thereof. We live in different places and have different lives. I love this guy. But I also love my job, my friends, etc. How long should I keep my chastity belt on for this person? Also, he just sold his house and closed his business, independent of anything with me. We have seen each other in person for a total of 10 days and when he comes to visit it will be 25 days, but is that enough time to figure out if either of us should make a plunge and move for one another?—Lady in Waiting

Dear Lady,
It's love, not a Target return policy. Take however much time you need. If that's 25 days, then throw some shrimp on his barbie and move the relationship forward, or down under, if that's what you decide.

For some it takes four minutes to make a commitment, others four years. Somewhere out there, a lesbian couple has been breaking up since the Cold War. It's impossible to say what may happen with your amorous Australian, but it's pretty convenient that he unshackled himself from the financial burdens of homeownership and his job recently. If this next visit goes well, you could always mention the possibility of him moving here, or even just getting a temporary, long-term visa. It's a relationship, not a life sentence.

Granted, the cross-continental divide makes things more of a hassle, but as the Beatles song taught us, love is all you need—and a good immigration lawyer. Keep the lines of communication as open as possible. Set reasonable boundaries as time goes on (especially if the chastity part is cramping your style), and remember that, distance aside, most relationships don't work out. But that doesn't stop us from trying, right? Except when that “relationship” involves trying to return some polyester mittens from last year and Target is all, “We don't stock that anymore,” but you have the receipt and everything! Then you should probably stop.


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