Whoa, the Bears actually signed a tight end who can catch! (Phil Velasquez / Chicago…)
Hard to believe, but we have ourselves a football game Friday. Normally the first preseason game is an opportunity for the Bears to roll out the same old same old, but darn it, this year is different.
The first thing is, it's OK to admit you're not familiar with the modern NFL. You've been living in Chicago after all, so it's not your fault.
I'm here to get you updated. Please follow along with your programs.
No. 74 is new. He's Jermon Bushrod, from New Orleans. He is a "Pro Bowl left tackle." I believe the last time we had one of those was when Jimbo Covert was playing. Yes, that was the 1980s.
Also, say hello to Martellus Bennett. He's No. 83. He's 6-foot-6. But unlike Kellen Davis, Bennett can actually catch the football. That's huge for a tight end, because due to rules passed in the 1930s, you're now allowed to throw to them!
I know this is a lot to digest—you don't have to grasp it all this week. As new Bears coach Marc Trestman says, "It's a process."
Please note: Devin Hester will not be at wide receiver. Oh no! What happened!
Apparently, someone with brains showed up at Halas Hall and rightly noted, "He's an amazing kick returner—and that's it!"
On the defensive side, Brian Urlacher has retired. Sometimes in the NFL, you do that when you turn 35. It's OK!
Again, some brainiac pried the locks at Halas Hall and thought the Bears could be younger and faster there. The nerve of this guy!
And that's it. Kelvin Hayden is already out with a hamstring injury! Oh no! How can we have a good nickel back debate on talk radio now!
If this all seems weird, it's because all these changes were made after the Bears went … 10-6.
10-6! Someone actually thought we could do better!
Back to Trestman. Yes, I checked the rule book, and you are allowed to hire an offensive-minded guy as a head coach! Apparently, successful teams have been doing this for years!
Is this too much for you? Be patient. It's a process.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.
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