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Who's that hottie in the mirror?

OPINION

  • The Skinny Mirror
The Skinny Mirror (theskinnymirrors.com )
August 01, 2013|By Jen Kim, @thisjenkim | For RedEye

Christmas came early this year—and it goes by the name "the skinny mirror."

Just like the name suggests, this mirror gives you the reflection that other mirrors don't—a thinner, hotter version of you. This good-looking looking glass will cost you about $165, which is a bit hefty, but, if you compare this cost to traditional methods of quick weight loss such as diet programs or cosmetic surgery, it's actually quite affordable. And on the plus side, not only will it be a piece of cake to look the way you want to look, but you can literally eat that piece of cake too!

So, you're probably thinking, "Sign me up! Let's get me and every single room in my house one of these bad boys!" Right?

I know you're excited. Trust me, I was too ... but then I started to reflect, and I began to realize that the skinny mirror didn't look all that wonderful from every angle.

Obviously, boosting one's self-confidence is the best perk of having a skinny mirror, but I don't need everyone else's self-confidence boosted too. Once the skinny mirror goes mainstream, everyone will feel like they deserve the last slice of pizza or feel entitled to going first at a four-way stop—all because they got a sudden boost of self-esteem. No thanks. The last thing I need is a bunch of arrogant me's running around thinking they rule the world.

Another aspect that worries me is the fat-ass elephant in the room: the fact that I actually won't be skinny in real life, which is the life that most people I know or try to hook up with are privy to. It would be one thing if I lived only virtually, through my OKCupid profile (which would be filled only with photos of my brand-new reflection), but I like to go out in public once in a while. And that would ruin the whole fantasy of me actually being the girl in the mirror. Unless, of course, I took that mirror around with me everywhere I went, which wouldn't be a bad idea, considering I could probably use the exercise.

Which leads me to my next concern—exactly who is going to the gym after they get their hands on this mirror or experience its glory in a TopShop dressing room? In fact, will anyone ever eat raw kale or utter the words "low carb" again? Fat chance. Meanwhile, lines filled with overly confident women who believe they are supermodels will flourish at Five Guys, Hot Doug's and other once-forbidden eateries.

And finally, I know this is narcissistic, but I look in the mirror a lot. Every time I pass a mirror, I can't help but check myself out. This happens even when I don't like what I see! Imagine what would happen if I actually liked it—I'd probably never look away and get sucked right into the reflection. That's basically the plot of "Poltergeist III," which is not only the worst film of the series, but also a really crappy way to have it all end.

Jen Kim is a RedEye special contributor.

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