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Your new Jedi: Leo, Zac and Ryan?

They all tried out for the new "Star Wars," supposedly

July 25, 2013|By Dana Moran | RedEye

It might seem like the new "Star Wars" movies are far, far away, but 2015 is right around the corner. And casting rumors abound! First of all, if we see any Jar Jar Binks in the new "Star Wars" sequels, we're walking out of the theater immediately. But secondly, the Latino Review is reporting that Leonardo DiCaprio, Zac Efron and Ryan Gosling all have tried out for roles in the flick. Really? Them? Aside from being far too famous, we're not sure these guys have what it takes to fight the spawn of Jabba*. To find out, we put them in some potential, entirely falsified scenarios.

*Full disclosure: We have never read a "Star Wars" novel, so we're not sure if Jabba was able to procreate before his very timely death by strangulation. But also, ew, let's not think about Jabba procreating.

Character is forced to fight the spawn of Jabba

DiCaprio: Has no time for this [bleep]
Efron: Eaten alive by sarlacc pit
Gosling: Lightsabers the crap out of that giant poop worm

Ewoks want to throw a rave

DiCaprio: Has no time for this [bleep]
Efron: Fuzzy bros, let's make this happen!
Gosling: Makes sure all the babe ewoks get invited too

The Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive is acting up again

DiCaprio: Has no time for this [bleep]
Efron: Makes out with Princess Leia's daughter
Gosling: Finds the giantest, greasiest wrench ever ... and throws it at a guy

Character cannot figure out if these are the droids he's looking for

DiCaprio: Asks C-3PO. Dude. Knows. Every. Thing.
Efron: Might actually be playing a next-generation R2-D2.
Gosling: Charms the pants off whomever's selling the bots. Who needs Jedi mind tricks?


damoran@tribune.com > | @redeyedana

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