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10 things we should be talking about instead of the Royal Baby

July 23, 2013|By Ernest Wilkins @ernestwilkins | RedEye

Kate Middleton has given birth to a child. That child (hopefully) has 10 fingers, 10 toes, two eyes and will grow up to be healthy.

That being said, I don't give a flying [bleep] about that baby and neither should you. The American obsession with the Royal Family is silly at best and escapist Prince Charming syndrome on steroids at worst. I would now like to suggest 10 things we should be discussing instead of this damn kid.

1. People at parties who open a beer only to take one or two sips and then set it down and how to punish them.
2. The fact that we're going to get a live-action Batman/Superman movie in the next five years.
3. Drake's upcoming album "Nothing Was the Same" and the fact that it might be a classic.
4. The NBA regaining the Charlotte Hornets franchise name (and hopefully those teal outfits).
5. A major American city just declared for bankruptcy and all we're doing is making "Robocop" jokes.
6. Figuring out a way to compensate college athletes (or making a solid argument against it using actual stats, not the phrase "they get an education." Like that means anything of substance anymore. Speaking of, your little brother isn't on Year 6 at Northern now, is he?).
7. How to save Chicago's schools.
8. How to save Chicago's neighborhoods.
9. Why people prefer fries over tater tots.
10. Racism/classism/sexism.

Hell, I'd rather talk about the post-Michael Scott era of “The Office," the subtle brilliance of frozen kefir or even how to get kicked in the junk and not want to cry for a week before I want to talk about another baby moonwalking out of the womb into a life of privilege.

Thoughts?

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