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Where not to twerk

A PSA:

  • Miley Cyrus: Known twerker
Miley Cyrus: Known twerker (Getty Images )
July 16, 2013|By Anthony Roberts, @antthewriter | For RedEye

Gather around, everyone—this is important. The dance phenomenon known as twerking is not going away any time soon. The more our favorite celebrities are caught on camera gyrating, the more everyday women are jumping on the booty-shaking bandwagon.

I'm all for this spike in fanny-popping fun, but if you're going to do it, there should be a few ground rules. While twerking is perfectly fine at clubs, house parties and outdoor music fests, there are a few places where you might not want to drop it low. Here are five of them.

On the job

We all want to make the workday a little more exciting, but unless G-strings are a part of your office uniform, you really shouldn't do it at your job. We're talking about a place of business, not a place of get busy-ness. I don't think that there are many companies today that are ready or equipped for twerk-related injuries, and you've got pretty much zero shot at getting twerkman's comp. Word to the wise: Your cubicle is not a dance floor, so just keep calm and save your moves for after you've clocked out.

At the BBQ

The backyard barbecue is one of the best perks of summertime in Chicago. You've got good friends, good food and good music. The last thing you need is someone hearing their favorite song and then deciding its time to show what they've got. Twerking close to an open-flamed grill is an accident waiting to happen. You'll definitely be dropping it like it's hot, because it will be when flaming charcoals go flying everywhere. Do us all a favor and stick with a two-step.

Waiting in line

I hate standing in lines as much as the next person, but it's a necessary evil at times. It keeps order and ensures everyone is served in a fair and timely manner. What isn't necessary is turning it into a "Soul Train" line while you're waiting. I once stood behind a group of ladies who decided to practice their routine right in the line at H&M. In addition to knocking a few tops off of their hangers and making pretty much everyone feel uncomfortable, one of them even had the nerve to do the splits. This is not what people mean when they talk about line dancing.

On the CTA

You'd think this would just be common sense, but apparently its not. I've seen it with my own eyes. There's nothing worse than trying to get off the train at your stop and having to maneuver through an intense impromptu twerk-off in an effort to get out before the doors close. If you must twerk, the bus stop or the train platform is your best bet, but don't do it in motion. It's unsafe and, trust me, even Miley wouldn't jiggle her goods in the aisle on the Blue Line.

Meeting his mom

True story: One of my friends took the young lady he was dating to meet his mother. Nervous about the first meeting, he was pleasantly surprised to see his girlfriend and mother had a few things in common, bonded over nicknames for him and genuinely hit it off. That is until he left to get more ice from the store only to return to his girlfriend bent over the family's couch shaking it while his mom was showing videos of his old recitals. Needless to say, it didn't twerk out.

Anthony Roberts is a RedEye special contributor.

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