When it comes to fireworks on the Fourth of July, Illinois is lame.
The closest you'll get to a lightshow in Chicago is sitting on your roof watching neighbors who drove to Wisconsin or Indiana lighting off their stash, or lighting a super lame sparkler from Jewel.
Yeah, we're missing out, Chicago. Firework manufacturers have some of the most bizarre (and sometimes offensive) brand names. Here's a crop of some of the oddest, most of which are actually being sold right now.