NEW YORK, NY - MAY 06: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West attend the Costume Institute… (Larry Busacca / Getty Images )
While every TV in Chicago was tuned to the Blackhawks on Sunday night, a little network called E! aired the season premiere of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians." The main event: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's baby shower, at which it was revealed they're having a girl! You can start buying your baby gifts now. We took a look in our crystal ball to predict the future for little Kimyette.
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Happy birthday to you! Baby Kimyette is born on a sizzling hot July afternoon. We'd imagine that the only thing worse than giving birth is giving birth during a massive heat wave, so we don't exactly envy Kim here.
Baby Kimyette celebrates a year of firsts, including first step in baby Air Force Ones and her first word, "YOLO." Kanye immediately puts in an angry call to Drake; it was SUPPOSED to be Da-da!
To everyone's shock and amazement, little Kimyette has started reading already. Kanye is so proud -- until he realizes it's Us Weekly. He tells Kim that Kimyette is getting a big head. Kim's solution: Putting her on a baby diet. Only strained peas for that little porker.
Starts boarding school in the Swiss Alps, which Kanye hopes will allow little Kimyette to become even more cultured. Kim hopes it'll make Kimyette behave more like the VonTrapp children, with the lederhosen and the singing, but fails to realize that story took place in Austria.
(First off, we can't believe how weird this year looks.) Little Kimyette has been kicked out of Alp school for trying to climb out the window using bedsheets one too many times and smoking clove cigarettes in the lunch room. Fortunately, the local private school has an opening all set for her.
Kanye is waiting at the door when Kimyette's very first date arrives at the door and he is NOT cordial to the poor young man. They're going to Baskin-Robbins and the roller rink -- such youthful innocence. Don't worry; it doesn't last.
Kimyette has four dates to her middle-school dance, but is horrified when her mom decides to chaperone. This also coincides with her goth period, which means she's started idolizing Marilyn Manson. Kim does NOT understand why Marilyn is so fugly and mannish; can't she just get a better stylist?
Kimyette scores her driver's license, and since everyone has flying cars by now, immediately takes it for a joy ride to Hawaii. She's then grounded for two weeks, which means lots of mani-pedi dates with her mom. Ugh.
Graduation day! We obviously know what this means: a "College Dropout," "Late Registration" and "Graduation"-themed party. How fortunate that Dad planned this out decades ago. Taking inspiration from her dad, Kimyette will not be going to college, but instead decides to become the madame of a hip French brothel.
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