Should partners get access to your cellphone?

OPINION

(Stacey Wescott/Chicago…)
May 30, 2013|By Megan Crepeau and Anthony Roberts | RedEye

The setup: Blake Shelton told People magazine that he and wife Miranda Lambert have an open-phone relationship, saying: "That's always been our policy: 'Here's my phone. Go through it.'" We asked RedEye copy editor Megan Crepeau and special contributor Anthony Roberts to weigh in.

YEP

I'm losing my player card with this one, but I've got to be honest: Once you've found the person you want to be with, who completely holds your interest and you want to show up for, share the phone. Who cares? It's way less about them and so much more about you.

I've definitely vetoed a nosy ex or two who wanted to peruse the contents of my phone, but truth be told, it was because I wasn't prepared to be "all in." Whatever she may have discovered would have been a direct reflection of my level of seriousness—or lack thereof—about her and the relationship. If you're giving your situation 100 percent, you don't have time for the extracurricular activity, and thus have nothing to hide.

In Shelton's case, he's married, as in for better or worse, sickness and health, texts or call log. He's chosen someone he wants to build a life with, and that requires trust. Are random "see if I still got it" texts worth risking that? Of course not. Man (or woman) up and show your partner you're willing to be transparent in your relationship. Trust me, what you'll get in return will be way better than the menial gratification from a borderline flirty convo with a person who's nothing more than a temporary figure in your life.

So bravo, Blake. Keep it up. Let the haters hate. —Anthony Roberts, @antthewriter

NOPE

Cellphone sharing is a no-win situation.

First of all, what the hell kind of person randomly demands to see his or her partner's phone? Does this happen in real, non-"Housewives of Orange County" life? Granted, I haven't been in a relationship as long as Blake and Miranda have. But it seems to me that if your significant other all of a sudden wants to start inspecting your texts, that's a massive red flag.

"The accuser only accuses because he is guilty of that same crime, verily."—Shakespeare, probably? Or, like, Einstein? Either way, if you're getting the third degree, you have bigger problems than whatever's in your iPhone's search history.

And look, if you're the type to say, without provocation, "here's my phone, go ahead and look," you either have nothing to hide or you're smart enough to know how to really hide it. Either way, what's the point? You aren't actually setting your honey's mind at ease. You're setting a precedent. Once it starts, when does it end? Are you going to have nightly phone-switch time after you brush your teeth? Are you going to demand to look over your partner's shoulder every time you're on the couch together and she starts texting? If you take this to its logical endpoint, it becomes not so much "declaration of intimacy and openness" as it is "mega-creepy."

A relationship with random phone-checks, no matter who initiates them, doesn't sound like a relationship. It sounds like a chore. A vaguely fascist chore. —Megan Crepeau, mcrepeau@tribune.com, @crepeau

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