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Cinderellas on skates scare me

May 02, 2013|By Bag Boy | For RedEye

I can't sleep and you can't either.

It's the nightmare I keep having. The curse of the Presidents' Trophy. It's awarded to the best regular-season NHL team. And it means … nothing.

It rarely happens that the team that wins it wins the whole thing. In fact, I remember when the Blackhawks won the trophy last. Oh, it was 1991.

I panic because that year we lost to some first-round Cinderella from … Minnesota.

They were the North Stars then. Memories are memories and I'm scared. I have visions of Chris Chelios taking dumb penalty after dumb penalty and the NHL's best team self-destructing before our eyes. So this season we have an OT squeaker on the first night, and who knows what else. I'm already exhausted.

Exhausted enough to switch to the Bulls. Even more exhausting! Nate Robinson, I love/hate you. Please, shoot it/pass it, I don't care. Hey, we get past the Nets and it's time for the Heat! Here' a three-step plan to beat the Heat.

1) Get Derrick Rose back.

2) Make a trade for Dwight Howard (the league would allow it—they're all about entertainment first!).

3) Play the tackle football game we play against the Heat. That should do it!

I think Rose lies in bed at night after watching the Miami Heat on TV and thinks to himself, "Yeah, maybe next year is the right time."

The Bulls will be waiting, and so will the Heat.

Quick Bears draft analysis: I have no idea. Emery has the mad professor, super intellectual, smartest guy in the room thing going. It goes one of two ways: A Super Bowl champion or the worst team ever assembled.

This being Chicago …

Thank God Tom Ricketts finally figured out where he lives. I picture him standing Godfather to a relative's kid, with a montage of rooftop owners being "taken care of." "I do renounce them" he keeps saying. Nothing wrong with a threat to leave; it's what Michael Corleone would have done.

It will never come to this, but it's good to know this about Rosemont: The Donald E. Stephens Museum of Hummels is open year-round.

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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