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Advice: Do you need to break up with a booty call?

April 24, 2013|Anna Pulley, @annapulley | RedEye's sex columnist

I’ve had a booty call relationship with a guy for a while. I haven't seen him in probably two months, but we used to hang out every couple of weeks. He’s been texting me a lot recently to meet up, but I’m not interested in casual sex anymore. (I’m looking for an actual relationship). We don’t really have a lot in common outside the bedroom, so it’s unlikely we’ll be friends. Do I have to “break up” with him? If so, how do I do it without hurting his feelings?--B.C. Blues

A few years back I went on a date with a girl. We had a nighttime picnic at Foster Beach that was nothing but awkward. The conversation was stilted, jokes went unappreciated, and her casually referenced interest in mommy fetishism gave me pause. At the end of the night we shook hands and made no promises to call. But the next day, she sent me an email telling me how great of a person I was (“Such a fun date!”) and then a number of reasons why she didn’t want to go on a second date. “I wasn’t gonna call you either!” I said indignantly to my Yahoo! account. This is all a roundabout way of saying that explicit communication is not always necessary.

When it comes to casual relationships, no one is going to fault you for quietly disappearing into the night, especially since before his recent texting spree, you hadn’t spoken in two months. That said, however, in your case, it would be totally decent of you to put an end to things in a more official way. It’s courteous to the dumpee, who is clearly still operating under the assumption that there is still some ass left in that umption, and perhaps he can acquire some.

Booty calls, despite their transient nature, can actually be quite complicated affairs, especially if you don’t have explicit agreements in place, like: Don’t get mad at me if I don’t spend the night; Don’t call after midnight on weeknights; or if I ignore your texts repeatedly, that means stop texting me.

Sending a short ‘n’ sweet missive ending things via text or email is polite and sends a clear message that you haven’t, in fact, been trapped in an elevator for several weeks. And since you already have a solid reason--you’re looking for a boyfriend--he probably won’t take it too personally. He is a booty call, after all. These kinds of relationships by their very nature can’t last forever, that’s why they’re not called booty Twinkies or booty taxes. I would also say to not wait for his next hookup text to break the news to him. Tell him something like, “Dear B.C., While I have enjoyed your penis immensely during these last few lonely months, I’m in the market for a boyfriend now and your stellar sex skills are simply distracting my efforts!” Or, you know, something less ridiculous. However you want to slice it. Just remember the bone-afide rule of boning (and life): Treat others the way you want to be treated. Do that and the “break up” should be fairly painless. Good luck.

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