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The afterlife lies on Twitter

OPINION

  • "South Park"
"South Park"
March 21, 2013|By Jen Kim, @thisjenkim | For RedEye

I've always wondered what might happen to me after I die. As a semi-avid churchgoer in my youth, I always thought I'd end up in one of two places: a fluffy permanent vacation called heaven or an interminable nightmare-infested hell.

These were the only two options, and as far as I was concerned, neither allowed me (or any other dead people) regular visits back to Earth to say "hey" or "wassup" to family and friends. That is to say, once you died, you were dead. Case closed.

Until now.

Thanks to LivesOn, a new app that lets you continue tweeting from beyond the grave, your voice—er, your tweets—can live forever.

The app's clever tagline: "When your heart stops beating, you'll keep tweeting." It's true to its word—unlike social media programs such as Dead Social that pre-schedule messages for the afterlife, LivesOn analyzes content (favorite subjects, likes and writing style, among other things) that you've previously tweeted to construct your own personal "ghost writer" and tweet similar messages that you may have tweeted when you were alive. In other words, the app creates a digital version of you that communicates after you're dead.

I'm not dead or anything, but I can't wait to try this program! I suspect when my day comes, LivesOn will make the moribund announcement for me: "Hey guys, I'm dead. #YOLO." Who knows? Maybe I'll have more followers during life after death than I do now. Maybe I'll be a trending topic, for once. I imagine my feed may look something like this.

April 1: Boo! I'm dead, suckers! Get ready to be haunted…

April 2: j/k. No, but really. I'm dead. Sorry to break the bad news. : (

May 11: Is it just me or does something smell funky in here …

June 3: OMG! Help!!! I'm alive!!!! Someone rescue me please. It's like that movie with Ryan Reynolds: I never saw it ... any good? #struggle #fml

June 12: Wish I could Instagram some of this stuff – but none of it would show up in the photos. #thoseghostmovieswereright

Aug. 20: Someone needs a shower… I'm just sayin'

Sept. 14: Remember that clip of Jessie Spano when she overdosed? I'm so excited ... I'm so SCAAAARRRREEEDDD? That's still my favorite scene ever. #yolo

Sept. 20: "Anyone going to watch the 839th die hard movie?" #thingsoverheardinheaven #coolstorybro

Oct. 19: Livin' ain't easy / the internet connection so slow / hell ain't much better / it's only dial-up bro / #whatwould2chainzsay

Nov. 7: That smell is getting worse up here ... #funky #funk

Dec. 1: Kim Kardashian just got here ... #FML

Dec. 13: "No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow." – Euripides #touche #yolo

Dec 25: I just heard Jesus fart. #OMG

Dec. 25: ... so that's what that smell was. #sherlockholmes

Jen Kim is a RedEye special contributor.

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