Understanding the power of the Dark Side: The Star Wars Character Tournament

March 20, 2013|Elliott Serrano, for Redeye

It’s the greatest tournament in the galaxy! The “This Is Madness: The Star Wars Character Tournament” has had Star Wars fans debating who will win the title of Best Character, and they’ve made their voices heard on message boards everywhere. In the end, it’s all going to come down to which character gets the most votes.

(I had cast my votes for Lando Calrissian and Darth Vader in the first round. Lando got trounced by Solo, as I expected. I just couldn’t bring myself to vote for Grievous, who – for all his bluster – was offed when he got a serious case of heartburn from Obi-Wan Kenobi.)

After offering my thoughts on the Star Wars Character Tournament’s Light Side brackets, I turned to a fellow Star Wars geek to give me his insights into the Dark Side brackets. Enter Ben Finfer, sports radio host & producer for The Score 670 AM.  Finfer (which kinda sounds like a Star Wars character name, IMO) had some strong opinions on what should happen in the Dark Side Opening Round (NOTE: Ben submitted this analysis before the Maul/Ventress results were revealed):

UNDERSTANDING THE DARK SIDE, By Ben Finfer

Darth Vader vs. General Grievous:  I find the lack of a legitimate first round matchup disturbing. This is an unfair contest.  Vader is a trained Jedi knight who is as synonymous with evil as, well, Dick Cheney.  Grievous is a droid with whooping cough.  Not to mention that Vader is literally an updated version of Grievous.  Think iPad vs. Speak & Spell, again...with whooping cough.  

WINNER: Darth Vader

Darth Maul vs. Asajj Ventress:  Ventress is known mostly for her work in the Clone Wars animated series.  Maul was a part of one of the best fight scenes from the movies and is the way more popular character.  He probably could have cemented a spot in the Final Four if he had killed Jar Jar early on in Phantom Menace.  Nonetheless he wins this battle between multi-saber wielding wannabes before he splits in the next round.  

WINNER: Darth Maul

Jabba the Hutt vs. Salacious Crumb:  Sure, Crumb is Jabba's kind of scum.  But c'mon.  Jabba eats monkey-lizard for breakfast.  If this battle happens to take place when Jabba is hungry then I have one thing to say to Crumb about his chances of winning...Cha skrunee da pat, Sleemo!  

WINNER: Jabba the Hutt

Cad Bane vs. Hondo Ohnaka:  This is admittedly a matchup of a two mid-majors I know very little about.  Both are mainly featured in the Clone Wars animated series.  However, I did read that the actor who voices Ohnaka was inspired by Ricardo Montalban.  That's all I need to know.

WINNER: Hondo Ohnaka

Boba Fett vs. Dengar:  Boba is one of the most beloved ancillary characters in the galaxy.  He's poised for a deep tournament run.  As far as Dengar is concerned, there's no nice way to say it.  He's a mess.  All that toilet paper wrapped around his head could be very useful when having mid-space stomach issues.  But not against Boba, who was trained by the guy who was the genesis for the Clone army.  Boba Fett?  Boba Fett?  Where?  Into the second round, that's where.  

WINNER: Boba Fett

Jango Fett vs. Bossk:  You ever notice that Bossk had surprisingly good teeth?  You'd never expect someone so lizardy to be so diligent about dental care.  Anyway, he gets crushed by Jango.  

WINNER: Jango Fett

Count Dooku vs. Tarkin:  Tough call here.  You have one of the most powerful Sith Lords versus perhaps the greatest thinker of his time.  A great Jedi against a great politician.  Dooku trained by Yoda, Tarkin one of the few who could command Vader.  Ultimately, the tie-breaker is this...Tarkin was the mastermind behind the Death Star yet neglected to notice the tiny hole that could bring the entire station down.  The devil is in the detail, dummy.  

WINNER: Count Dooku

Emperor Palpatine vs. IG-88:  I don't like Palpatine's chances against legitimate Jedi knights. The only time he really won one of those battles is when Yoda quit and ran off to Dagobah.  But against an assassin droid?  Yikes.  Vegas can't set the line high enough for this one.  And now IG-88...you will die.

WINNER: Emperor Palpatine

Vote for your favorite character in the “This Is Madness: Star Wars Character Tournament

Ben Finfer is the executive producer of The McNeil and Spiegel Show, heard Monday-Friday from 9am-1pm on 670 The Score and 670TheScore.com You can follow him on Twitter @BenFinfer.

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