Daniel Day-Lewis as Abraham Lincoln for "Lincoln"
Four score and seven billion Starbucks coffee cups ago, the Land of Lincoln gave the United States one hell of a president. It ain't all about the Benjamins now, baby. Back from the dead and more badass than ever, our 16th president has gained some massive name recognition—and is willing to work for just pennies. So dust off those history books young'uns, 'cause yer about to get yerselves' some schoolin'.
What a comeback. Abraham Lincoln, the real American badass. The hottest man (not) alive. Sigh. Such an Abe magnet. First a wrestler, now a vampire slayer (buh-bye, Edward Cullen). Even George Clooney is related to the man (half-first cousin five times removed). Abe wrestled and swung axes, built a log cabin by hand and could throw a man into a headlock. Dreamy.
Already the tallest man in the room and wearing the tallest hat ... now that's confidence. And confidence is sexy. Forget Alexander Hamilton. George Washington? Pshhhh. Please. He can keep his wooden teeth. Abe was the first president to let his inner mountain man facial hair grow free. Bet you a $5 bill the lad never had any issues getting a first (or second) lady to come back to his log cabin (timber!). And if Abe were alive today, his Facebook statuses probably would say, "Growing my Novembeard" and "I'd like to Fourscore with you."
Abe, I dig the whole log cabin style. The tall, lanky silhouette, the suspenders, thick-rimmed glasses and scruffy beard. No doubt about it, he was the original hipster, our country's first neck-bearded president (bitchin'!), with hand-rolled cigarettes and pipes. He could rock a stovepipe hat and frock coat like no one ever could. Mumford and Sons and the Lumineers rock the look as well; just gotta grow out the beard, throw on a vest, add some suspenders, boots and a melancholy look and BOOM! We have ... The Lumberjack. Hot.
Now, nearly 150 years after his death, Abe is at the height of his career as a corporate pitchman and an icon of popular culture. Any action scene featuring Lincoln's top hat equals pure entertainment. Honest Abe even makes the perfect car pitchman—selling Lincolns, of course. In the Halloween episode of "New Girl," Schmidt dressed as young Abraham Lincoln, declaring, "Statistically speaking, every American thinks about Abraham Lincoln at least once a day." Now that's money. And sometimes, in everyday situations, I find myself asking, "What would Abe do?" So I split rails, proclaim emancipation, take part in a series of long Lincoln-Douglas-style debates with anyone who will debate me back.
If presidents were athletes, I'd be walking around with No. 16 on my back. Even President Obama gave a shout out to Abe, calling him, "my homeboy from Illinois." Honest Abe, the brave man who fought to keep America free all while sporting some sexy facial hair. Yep, I'd give him my popular vote any day.
Doris Dadayan is a RedEye special contributor.
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