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'The Bachelor' recap: Lessons in being the villain

(ABC.com )
February 12, 2013|By Adam Lukach, @lucheezy | RedEye

Well, the Reign of Tierror ended not with a bang, but with a lot of tears, which was pretty much what marked every week of her stead on the show anyway.

How long Tierra would last was really the only question that anyone cared about last night. The answer was not much longer, and, like all great villains, she proved to be a large part of her own undoing. While she had her moments of brilliance, like indirectly taking down Kacie B. from long-range or straight-up slaying Jackie on a 2-on-1 date, Tierra's weekly drama tears became warning signs, and, when combined with literal warning signs from other girls, helped Sean to realize he had been getting plaaaayed.

But make no mistake--there are some other warriors on this show too. Ashlee, even before the big showdown, laid the groundwork to make it possible. Because remember last week? When she put on that blindfold and now she trusts Sean forever and ever? Well, she took that implicit trust and capitalized, slamming Tierra the second Sean asked her about it, taking the opportunity that Leslie had a few weeks ago and playing it way better.

It was actually a shrewd move from Sean, taking the girl who clearly values his "trust" and "character" more than anyone else on the show and using her to flush out the truth behind the girl drama that he just can't even begin to parse through. You know who else tried to help him? His sister, Shay, who shows up and says, "Hey Sean, I'm your sister. Remember me? Well, I once told you right before you left not to bring home the girl that everyone hates, because there's usually a good reason for that, and right now, I feel like you're telling me that you like that girl. Please tell me that's not what you're saying, because that's not gonna happen." I'm paraphrasing, but yeah, listen to your sister if you're ever on "The Bachelor," guys.

What actually happens is Shay wants to meet Tierra, and, surprise surprise, he walks in right after Ashlee and Tierra get after it, which is like watching the babysitter who won't let you have any cookies fight with your mean younger sister who just puts her fingers in her ears and goes LALALA during arguments. While Ashlee attempts to articulate very clear points with examples, Tierra gets busy shouting about how SHE CAN'T CONTROL HER EYEBROWS, OK? AND HER PARENTS WERE REALLY JUST AFRAID THE OTHER GIRLS COULDN'T HANDLE HER "SPARKLE." IN HER OWN SKIN, TIERRA KNOWS SHE'S NOT RUDE, SO IT MUST BE TRUE. Anyway, Sean stops by and sees Tierra sparkling again, and when she starts whining evermore about how this show is just so hard for her because her heart is just so big, Sean delivers one of his finest, "It's not me, it's you" lines yet: "I'm crazy about you, and because I care so much about you, I think it might be best if, you know, if you go home now." Sean, ever the gentlemen, never really was very convincing about it.

And so that was it. Tierra goes home and takes her sparkle with her, because it's either a priceless jewel or just a terrible personality that no one wants anyway. Can I get a good riddance? While she provided endless fodder for me and some great quotes for the end of this week's recap, I could barely watch her come across the screen anymore, and her reaction to receiving the 1-on-1 date she's been bitching about ALL SEASON was, "I really thought he would take me on a boat," because, you know, he's only taking her out on the town of St. Croix.

The other 1-on-1 date didn't go particularly well either; Lesley and Sean retreat to a serene valley locale for their date, and she drops the ball. Intent on telling Sean that she loves him, Lesley seems to forget about the rest of the date, like working up the courage to kiss at a dance and wasting the whole experience (not that I would know anything about that ...). She acts kind of awkward and distant, which Sean thought was "cute ... but something we need to start moving past" a.k.a. "not for me."

In the only group date of the week, Lindsay unexpected swipes the rose because she "hasn't wavered a bit from the beginning," so the wedding dress ploy pays off. This comes despite a great effort from Des, who dominates their road-trip date around the island while Catherine and Lesley are busy being way too nice off to the side. Sean, who loves road trips, boldly proclaims this road trip, with three beautiful women vying solely for his affection on a tropical island with all expenses paid, to be the best he's ever been on.

The big question as the rose ceremony bears down on the girls is, "where is Chris Harrison?" Kidding, it's "where is Tierra and Sean?" Well, Sean shows up sans Tierra obviously, and the question then becomes, who else is going home? Everyone thinks it's Ashlee, and the producers want you to think so too. But she opened up to Sean a lot and even revealed her big "skeleton in the closet," which was that she was married when she was a rebellious 17-year-old. To me, that made her immensely more interesting.

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