You are here: Home>Collections>Star Wars

It's 'Star Wars' mania!

OPINION

  • Yoda
Yoda
February 07, 2013|By Elliott Serrano, @elliottserrano | For RedEye

You've got to hand it to Disney. When the company bought Lucasfilm and the "Star Wars" franchise, the bigwigs knew they were getting a license to print money.

The world of "Star Wars" geekdom already was aflutter with the thought of a new trilogy starting in 2015, but now comes word that the Mouse House also will produce stand-alone films featuring classic "Star Wars" characters. First up will be movies starring Boba Fett and a young Han Solo, ew.com reported. (That sound you heard was of a million geeks emptying their Darth Vader piggy banks.)

The prospect of seeing a young Solo in action is tantalizing enough, but whom do you cast to play a character who will always be associated with Harrison Ford? If you say Shia LaBeouf, you're gonna get Force-choked!

All of these questions got my "Star Wars"-obsessed brain to dream up other possibilities for stories that take place in that "galaxy far, far away." Here goes.

"Return of the Rancor Keepers"

After losing their beloved pet at the hands of Luke Skywalker in "Return of the Jedi," these two lovable oafs find an orphaned rancor and raise him as their own. But how do you keep a rancor without breaking your apartment lease? Starring Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill, who will have the weight they lost restored by the special effects wizards of ILM.

"Like a Bossk"

What do you do when you're a bounty hunter in a galaxy where all the good jobs keep going to that Boba Fett fella? Everything else that comes along! Whether it's taking safari hunters Ewok hunting on Endor or making holograms to prove that the senator from Alderaan is cheating on his wife, there's no job that the yellow reptile-faced bounty hunter can't—or won't—do. He just can't afford it! Starring Mike Myers as Bossk and Julia Louis-Dreyfus as his wisecracking receptionist.

"Yoda: Jedi Day Care Teacher"

For 800 years, the wisest Jedi Master in the galaxy has taught preschool-age "younglings" in the Jedi Temple. But a field trip to the swamps of Dagobah with an irreverent young "padawan learner" will have him considering another career! Hilarity ensues in this animated feature starring Frank Oz as the voice of Yoda opposite Lindsay Lohan as the voice of Liho Lahn.

Coming soon to a theater near you!

Elliott Serrano is a RedEye special contributor.

Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye's Facebook page

RedEye Chicago Articles
|
|
|