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  • Bag Boy believes Bears general manager Phil Emery has his act together
Bag Boy believes Bears general manager Phil Emery has his act together (Chris Walker/Chicago Tribune )
January 03, 2013|By Bag Boy | For RedEye

When I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I try and tell as few people as possible.

I was wrong on Lovie Smith. He's gone. I'm so used to mediocrity I was expecting another year of blank stares and putrid offenses.

But something changed, and it changed on Jan. 1, 2013. Mark that date down, maybe.

I saw (I should have DVR'd it) Bears general manager Phil Emery give logical, detailed answers as to what his plans were, and what his criteria are. For once, it wasn't some zombie up there deflecting questions and dodging answers.

So thanks, Green Bay, for losing that one against Minnesota. We owe you for forcing the issue.

So here's a short list of what I'm looking for in a new head coach: 1) brains 2) heart 3) offensive knowledge 3) personality 4) accountability 5) knows when something sucks.

I don't want Jon Gruden, I don't want Mike Holmgren and I don't want Bill Cowher. I want the next Jon Gruden, the next Bill Cowher, the next Mike Holmgren, all rolled into one. And he's going to be mine, all mine, for the rest of my life. That's all.

No Mike Singletary, either. Sorry, we need fresh DNA, not Old Bears DNA. Time for new and different. That's all, just the basics. That leaves us with Jay Cutler: You're on the clock, sir. You've got a year left to clean it up, assuming we get you some help. Also, give me a third-round QB, to spice things up around here.

And for the whiny players who loved Lovie, it's also time to say goodbye. That's you, Devin Hester, and you, Brian Urlacher. Enough.

So before that search heats up, a word about Northwestern: Congratulations. 64 years is far too long, but you ended that bowl winless streak, and against a credible opponent. Thank you.

As for you, Northern Illinois, you are the little engine that couldn't. But you raised the national profile.

So now all the kids who can't get into the real schools will want to go there. Congrats!

We're left with: Notre Dame. Oh man, please win this one. And then go away for the next 50 years.

It's all I ask!

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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