Every year I dread New Year's Eve--the crazy cover charges, the pressure, the indecision, etc. I want this year to be different, and I don't want to end it alone. Isn't this the biggest party night of the year? Aren't people happy the world didn't end on 12.21 and want to get laid? How can I skew the odds in my favor?--Screw Year's Eve
New Year's Eve is definitely THE date for hookups, with odds higher than Valentine's Day, Halloween and Arbor Day combined (but not Groundhog Day. Bill Murray's sexual prowess has ruined the standard for everyone!). Just because more people are looking to have their corks popped than usual doesn't mean it's an effortless endeavor. Here are a few tips to help end your year with a bang.
If you have a friend-with-benefits, booty call or ex you're on good terms with, this is the time to call them. You already know how they'll be in the sack, and odds are they might be avoiding the party scene too. Invite them over for a lo-fi dinner and movie at your place. By hanging with them when the ball drops, it's a surefire bet that the pants will drop too. If you don't want to commit to an entire evening with one person, then send a festive text to your FWBs early on in the evening and see who replies.
The Pretty Good
Sure, you could try your luck at one of the more clubby bars, but I've found that actually being able to hear people I'm seducing works better than shouting monosyllables over bad dubstep and Cyndi Lauper remixes. House parties, remember those? They're still fun post-college, and odds are that your friends who are throwing them know who's single and who you might hit it off with. Other perks: It's way cheaper, and it's far easier to start chatting with a stranger at a house than at a bar.
If you are going to a bar, make it one you actually like and frequent. You'll feel more comfortable, you'll know the clientele, and they'll probably give you a free drink or two regardless of whether you end up sucking face with anyone. Exceptions: If your preferred watering hole is an old-man dive bar, choose a different one. I love Polish liquor stores as much as the next 85-year-old, but tonight you're looking for scores not of the Bingo variety.
Remember that in the end, NYE isn't even a real holiday. It's barely a moment, and then it's over. There are plenty of reasons to hate on it (you listed a few in your question), but I encourage you to leave your expectations at the door and focus on having the best time you possibly can. If "best time" to you means eating waffle batter and watching YouTube videos of "cat wearing bread," then do it. This might, arguably, work against your getting-laid plans (I think for me this will be the year!), but then again, maybe not.
And remember--the CTA is free NYE, so don't be a fool and drive drunk. Happy 2013!
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