In the year 2013 ...


December 20, 2012|By Matt Kuttan, @mkuttan | For RedEye

I usually wait until New Year's Day to make my resolutions, but hey, we just survived the Mayan apocalypse, so why wait? Here's my 2013 checklist.

>>Wear ear protection next time I watch "Magic Mike" with my wife and her girlfriends.

>>Start a "Bring Ozzie back to the South Side" meme.

>>Return all the "Fifty Shades of Grey" toys I, uh, accidentally purchased.

>>Stop "liking" lottery-winner hoaxes on Facebook.

>>Don't take the bet on the Cubs losing fewer than 100 games.

>>Jump on the Seth MacFarlane bandwagon.

>>Accept that "Gangnam Style" will become a staple at weddings from now on.

>>Pack on 100 pounds and try out for the Bears' offensive line.

>>Purge the words "swag," "epic" and "man-cave" from my vocabulary.

>>Grow a moustache in Movember, even if I look like a creep.

>>Even though I'm not from Portland, I just might finally try kale.

>>Avoid the office pool to guess the name of Kate Middleton's baby.

>>Never take my pet monkey to Ikea in a faux shearling coat.

>>Schedule a fight with Manny Pacquiao.

>>Perfect my McKayla Maroney not-amused face.

>>Accept that Brandon Marshall is the greatest receiver the Bears ever had and buy his jersey.

>>Submit the name "WTFland" for the Iceland renaming contest.

>>Bet $100 on Alabama beating Notre Dame by three touchdowns.

>>Never sing "Call Me Maybe" at a karaoke bar.

>>Cut Oprah a break and finally start watching the OWN channel.

>>Accept that it's not the men but Taylor Swift who is the bloody problem.

>>Write a column without mentioning a Kardashian. No, wait. I'm not giving up that one.

Matt Kuttan is a RedEye special contributor.

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