New Orleans Hornets guard Greivis Vasquez is sad that the team is changing… (Derick E. Hingle/US Presswire )
The NBA season is chugging along and for casual fans, there's not much going on to drive any interest toward anything. The Lakers are choking, the Bulls are Rose-less and the Nets are the best team in New York. One of the most interesting things out of this humdrum season is the news that the New Orleans Hornets will change their name to the Pelicans, after the state bird of Louisiana. Rather than pooh-pooh the decision, we should take this time to re-evaluate every NBA team name.
The following teams can keep their names: Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago, Atlanta, Houston, Detroit, New York, Dallas, Denver, Portland. Here are my suggestions for the remaining teams.
Brooklyn Nets: Take a cue from their mascot and call them the Knights. Or the Roc-A-Fellas. Either way.
Toronto Raptors: Call them the Seattle Supersonics. Yup. Move them. Change the name. Do it now.
Cleveland Cavaliers: The Cleveland Misery. Matter of fact, all Cleveland teams get renamed to the Misery.
Indiana Pacers: Keep the Indy 500 mystique and call them the Milky. The Indiana Milky.
Milwaukee Bucks: The city was the setting for "Happy Days." They should be the Milwaukee Fonzies. Duh.
Charlotte Bobcats: If New Orleans is giving up the Hornets name, seize it immediately. Give Larry Johnson permanent courtside seats.
Miami Heat: Call them the Miami Bandwagoners. Or the Miami Mojitos.
Orlando Magic: Orlando Sherlocks. Can you name anyone on the team? It's a mystery.
Washington Wizards: Washington Senators. Makes sense and a cool touch of history.
Golden State Warriors: They play in Oakland. Call them the Oakland Warriors. What about San Francisco fans, you ask? Addressing that in a sec.
Sacramento Kings: Move them to San Francisco and keep the name. Boom.
Los Angeles Lakers: Ain't no lakes in L.A. Call them the L.A. Stars.
Los Angeles Clippers: Pick one of the following: Bears, Stars, Aztecs, Air Buds.
Phoenix Suns: The Phoenix Coyotes already exist, so how about the Roadrunners? Meep meep!
Memphis Grizzlies: Take note from Elvis and Three Six and change their name to the Mob or the Mafia.
New Orleans Hornets: The New Orleans Jazz. This should have happened 40 years ago.
San Antonio Spurs: They're known for stifiling defense. Key that into the Alamo mystique. Call 'em the Defenders.
Minnesota Timberwolves: Give them the Minneapolis Lakers name back. That makes sense.
Oklahoma City Thunder: Call them the Oklahoma City Tornadoes.
Utah Jazz: Give a wink to the dominating Mormon population and call them the Saints.
Ernest Wilkins is Chicago's wingman. @ernestwilkins
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