We return to the workroom for a recap of last week, which sent La Loca Nina Flowers and La Actually Clinically Insane Tammie Brown home. The ladies also inform us that the remaining queens are basically the top four teams. Folks, this show is going by too fast!
Ru appears shortly to give them their mini-challenge, Queens With Guy Phones, in which the contestants have to deliver butch hot photos of themselves as dudes.
“We’re supposed to be butch?” Chad Michaels says with a laugh. “This is going to be a little bit difficult for some of us.”
Yep. The queens’ ideas of what constitutes “butch” becomes the best laugh I’ve had in a long time.
Yara Sofia apparently thinks that masculinity involves dousing herself in cologne. I hope that’s not White Diamonds, which is what Alexis Mateo reportedly wears. Chad delivers meth-addicted mechanic realness.
“Chad Michaels looks like Burt Reynolds and Cher had a baby,” Jujubee says.
And she should talk, because her “butch” look is basically the most delicate and confused lumberjack at the sawmill.
Raven takes all of her clothes off (duh), Manila goes camp with a dong shot of a peeled banana and Latrice Royale gives me mug-shot. Alexis and Yara actually deliver hot and sexy dude photos, winning them top prize.
For the main challenge, the queens are told to persuade “unsuspecting bystanders” on the street to do all kinds of stupid things like crack an egg on their forehead. The stupider the task, the more points the teams will get.
First up is Raven, whose greatest success appears to be convincing a homeless man to let her feed grapes to him. Juju asks another homeless man for five dollars and then finds a guy who is clearly so attracted to her he’s willing to do almost anything.
“Can I spray whipped cream down your pants?” she asks.
“SURE,” he replies, a bit too eagerly.
Manila does well, getting a woman into a diaper and forcing her to cry like a baby and ask for her mommy. Latrice spends most of her time digging through the trash can of props they’re using for the pranks. She does manage to finagle a snack out of the situation, though.
Yara’s strategy boils down to her hollering “hhhaaiiiiiiiiiiii” at everyone who walks past her but Alexis has a much better plan:
“My stragety in this challenge is to do the same thing I do to my boyfriend when we go shopping. I am holding his hand and I will not let it go until I get what I want,” she says.
Shannel is willing to do anything and everything it takes, up to and including lapping water out of a cute guy’s hand like a dog. I just have to say, this is the one challenge where Shannel’s utter desperation comes in so freaking handy. Shannel will kill for this and it shows.
Chad has a darling approach and no one can say no to her, even when she tries to get someone to play a version of the Honey Boo Boo game “Whose Breath?”
It’s not clear who will wind up in the bottom, as Juju points out, but it’s pretty obvious that Chad and Shannel did well.
On the runway, guest judges Rachel Dratch and Janice Dickinson join Ru, Santino Rice and Michelle Visage in giving the side-eye to the queens in “bad-girl chic.”
Rujubee serve some dominatrix, with Juju more elegant bad girl and Raven in the weirdest and coolest getup outside of a space-age “Cabaret” show. Shad go more traditional drag queen, with Chad as Sindel from “Mortal Kombat,” retired and living in Palm Beach. Yarlexis are hairy and Yara appears to be air-drying some tracks she recently washed.
Latrila are fierce, with Latrice as Divine and Manila in a futuristic “Seventh Seal” outfit.
For some reason, the judges don’t like it as much as I do, and though Shad are obviously in the top, Latrila get sent to lip sync along with Rujubee. Michelle Visage reads Raven for the cut on her red panty, which seems absurd, and Latrice gets owned, despite the fact that Janice Dickinson seems confused enough to think Divine should be more elegant. So, two of my favorites are facing off.
Whoever wins, we lose, people!
Manila and Juju decide they’re going to lip sync against each other to Janet Jackson’s “Nasty,” and it’s tears all around when Manila and Latrice get sent home.
They even have a touch of bitterness, which I am 100 percent on board with. Adios, Latrila. You were my pick to click so now I’m team Jujubee all the way.
See you next week, squirrelfriends, when the queens join girl groups.
Here are some of the episode’s best quotes:
“If I were Alexis, I would be hugging Yara. I would suck her dick because, you know what, she’s the only reason that they’re here this week,” Jujubee.
“I’d fuck me,” Chad Michaels.
“Think about hockey,” Jujubee.
“Who wouldn’t want to stop and talk to an 8-foot drag queen in a pink afro?” Raven.
“I don’t usually do this with nails on,” Raven, taking off a dude’s shirt.
“I’m a big ole 6 foot 4 drag queen in the middle of the daytime. That’s not cute,” Latrice.
“Good from afar, far from good,” Latrice.
“You’re gonna pee on yourself!” Yara, yelling at a woman who won’t let her put a diaper on her.
“Straight guys, girl. I tell you,” Alexis.
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