We're taking a break from our weekly bashing of the Bears' hideous offensive line.
Instead, we're looking at the Bulls and Blackhawks. For openers, I'm suggesting something radical. We all know the Bulls' season is a wash. D-Rose is gone, we're going nowhere. So, let's really go nowhere! And end up somewhere!
Put all the regulars on injured reserve. We'll call it an epidemic. Then we call up our entire D-League team. Please meet the Iowa Energy (we happen to share them with three other NBA teams … I have no idea). Just so you know, these guys are brutal. They declare for the draft and don't get drafted. They text their friends … during games! Perfect, I say. D-Rose can take the entire year off to heal, and this gets us the worst/best record and a shot at the No. 1 pick.
I hope you're as turned on as I am! Your starting center next year: Cody Zeller. Maybe Shabazz Muhammad at shooting guard. Sure, I'm insane. But I'm also a genius!
That's a long brutal winter, but what a spring! We can do this, together.
As for hockey, I'm seeing nothing here. No progress, no rumors, lots of games wiped off the books.
However, this is easy! We've done it before! The entire Blackhawks franchise disappeared from about 1998 to 2006. I'd say this is pretty easy!
Hats off to the Montreal Gazette, by the way. They're playing and reporting on Canadiens fantasy games using EA Sports.
Well, I can do that! Tuesday night, the Hawks lost to the Coyotes 3-1 at the United Center. On my game, Patrick Kane also threw up in a bar afterward. Amazing!
In the meantime, we never welcomed Rick Hahn as the new Sox GM properly. It's OK, he did it himself—by re-signing Jake Peavy, yay! And Gavin Floyd, rrrgghhh.
Well, we get John Danks back, plus Chris Sale, plus these two, we may have something. Still, we need a third baseman. Come on back, Kevin Youkilis! We love you, and you love us! It's not about the money! Stay! I'll never rip you unless you deserve it!
Back to the Bears bashing next week.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.
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