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RuPaul's Drag Race All-Stars: Celebrity cage match

October 30, 2012|By Georgia Garvey @gcgarvey

Hi, squirrelfriends, and welcome back to the greatest TV show on earth, "RuPaul's Drag Race," all-stars edition.

When last we checked in with RuPaul and company, they were bidding adieu to a suprisingly sour Pandora Boxx and an equally surprisingly game Mimi Imfurst.

At the start of this week, the remaining queens rehash the last episode. Some of the ladies felt Mimi shouldn't have been there in the first place, but they agree Pandora took their pairing  way too hard.

"When you give up, you go home," Jujubee wisely intones.

Ru quickly appears to give them their mini-challenge, "In Da Butt, Ru," a "Newlywed Game" style contest where the queens are quizzed on their partner's answers to several questions.

Raven and Juju clearly know each other well, as do Alexis Mateo and Yara Sofia, but Nina Flowers and Tammie Brown are hampered by Tammie's mental illness. Ru asks Tammie what kind of underwear Nina sports.

"Grass underwear, because it's always green," Tammie says with a huge smile.

Raven and Juju win the competition and a pie in the face, but soon they have more to worry about than their shaving-creamed mugs as Ru gives them their main challenge.

The couples will compete in "Gaff-In," a "Laugh-In" style program with Vicki Lawrence from "Mama's Family." They have to create jokes and style themselves as a celeb.

Tammie and Nina are instantly in trouble as they announce the celebrities they're going to impersonate, as they each pick someone their partner has never heard of. Nina also picks someone that 99 percent of the audience has never heard of, "La Lupe." I've even googled La Lupe and I'm still at a bit of a loss. Unless you're into Latin music or from a Latin American country, you have not heard of this chick.

Ru has definitely not heard of her, in any case.

Juju and Raven are at least picking two relatively well-known celebs, Fran Drescher and Bea Arthur, respectively, but they're still struggling.

"I'm a funny bitch, but I don't write no jokes," Juju says.

Alexis and Yara pick Shakira and Charo, respectively, and Chad drops Cher to pick up another idol, namely Bette Davis. Shannel goes with Lucille Ball, Manila Luzon will be Madonna and Latrice Royale picks Oprah Winfrey. Frankly, no one looks like they're hitting it out of the park. Alexis and Yara are also dealing with the language barrier, and Yara has gone a bit Tammie Brown on her partner.

"Working with Yara in this challenge is like working with a crazy, hyperactive kid," Alexis says.
Ru asks Juju and Raven for a joke to get her in the mood, and the duo try to comply.

"What's the difference between Pandora Boxx and a clown?" Juju asks.

"Clowns wear more makeup and they're more entertaining," Raven replies.

The joke, which sucks more than a Dyson vacuum cleaner, falls flat and they look at each other in fear.

But no one's in as much trouble as Tammie and Nina. La Flowers has trouble even explaining what's funny about her drug-abusing, destitute celebritiy and Miss Brown says she doesn't write jokes and refuses to start now.

"I don't give a hoot. I'm not going to worry," Tammie says.

Gulp.

When "Gaff-In" finally starts, most of the jokes seem to go over like a lead balloon. Here's an example:

Tammie: "Knock knock"

Nina: "Who's there?"

T: "Loco"

N: "Loco who?"

T: "Locomotion! Choo Choo Choo!"

Yes, darlings. Eat the comedy. Eat it up.

In my humble opinion, the funniest was Juju by far, with Yara and Alexis a distant second place. Raven tried for a deadpan approach but the only laugh came when I pictured her buying that gray-haired Bea Arthur wig, which I seriously doubt will get much further use.

Before we hit the main stage, there's a bit of emotion as Manila discussed coming out of the closet, attempting suicide and finding Sahara Davenport, her partner, who tragically died recently. It's super sad and a reminder of how much Manila's life has changed since filming ended.

On the main stage, guest judges Vicki Lawrence and Busy Phillips join Ru, Santino Rice and Michelle Visage in raking the girls' '60s glam looks over the coals. Michelle brought the twins to the party, too.

Yarlexis bring it to the stage, hunties, in silver and stained-glass looks, and Latrila go sequin-y and sexy.

Chad is basically a Bond Girl up there, and Shannel serves flower-child realness. Rujubee match up in looks that could easily transition them to being extras in an episode of "The Monkees."

Tammie Brown gives me Barbara Harris in "Freaky Friday," and Nina looks like a gender warrior on her way to her first day at the "Mad Men" offices.

They're cute looks all around, but Yarlexis take first prize, mostly due to Yara's uncanny Charo.

Brown Flowers and Latrila wind up lip-syncing for their lives, and Latrice Royale owns "There's No Business Like Show Business."

Sadly, my all-time favorite Nina Flowers gets sent home. Thankfully, Tammie Brown goes with her, though I'd take Tammie's nutiness back just to have my Loca stay.

Tear.

Well, onward and upward. See you next week, poodles!

...

Here are some of the best quotes from this week's episode (which fell a little flat in the humor department):

"The devil wears nada!" Raven, on her underwear choices.

"Alexis looks like the Predator and Yara looks like she's wearing poodles on her head," Juju's lamest joke ever.

"She has a gap in her tooth. That's pretty damned funny," Manila, on Madonna.

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