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A belated 'good riddance' to these Chicago athletes

OPINION

October 25, 2012|By Bag Boy | For RedEye

It's time to honor the distinguished alumni of Chicago sports this evening.

I'll be doing so at a dinner tonight. I don't have a location, or a time, but I think the attire will be business pathetic. Heck, we'll do it in my basement!

We have three very deserving candidates, two of whom could have been kings here and absolutely did their best to throw it away. Let's welcome them.

Ozzie Guillen. There are no words to describe how much goodwill and support you threw away after winning the World Series in 2005. You had 1) An owner and GM who liked and respected you and let you be yourself, which was a blabbering idiot, 2) A compliant press corps that protected you even when you were crass, stupid and mean, and 3) An adoring fan base.

Somehow, it wasn't enough! Only you could think the grass was greener with a lame owner in Miami. My god, I don't know what's next for you, but I wouldn't let you near another manager's job. Good luck.

Eddy Curry. All of 29 years old, waived by the San Antonio Spurs. Selected fourth by the Bulls in the 2001 NBA draft. Eventually traded to the N.Y. Knicks. The guy missed about two years with weight and conditioning problems.

And by that I mean, no joke here, the guy weighed close to 400 pounds.

I'm not a doctor or a physicist, but I've had daydreams about being both, and I can tell you right now: That is really, really, hard to do. 400 pounds. That's two of me. If it sounds like I'm picking on him it's because I am. In the history of the NBA, has anyone with more talent done less? I highly doubt that.

And our third distinguished alumnus is Carlton Fisk. I'm speechless here, but I find the DUI stunning. He was found passed out in a pickup truck. That's fine if this were a Red State and he were on a reality TV show, but this isn't and he's not.

My goodness. All the recipients receive free counseling as a prize. They'll need it.

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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