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Don't like the rules? Change them

October 15, 2012|RedEye

Those wacky Harlem Globetrotters could be on to something. When the famed exhibition hoops squad visits Chicago in December, fans will have a chance to write their own rules for the games, such as using two balls at once. But why stop there? Several pro sports could use rules changes. At the very least, it would make the preseason tolerable.

NFL

>> Any kickoff that goes out of bounds or through the end zone must be done over. Also known as the Devin Hester Rule.

>> Instead of the offensive coordinator, let fans signal plays to the quarterback via the helmet radio. Want Jay Cutler to throw to Brandon Marshall every play? Can do!

>> Instead of pads and helmets, use those cartoonish sumo wrestling suits. That way players can hit as hard as they want, whenever they want. Also known as the Anti-Concussion Initiative.

MLB

>> For one inning each game, each team can use metal bats. (For safety's sake, infielders and pitchers get helmets and kevlar vests.)

>> Hitters start with a 1-0 count when their team is down five or more runs. Also known as the Cubs Pity Rule.

>> If a batter is hit by a pitch, he has the option of taking first base or making the pitcher finish the at-bat tossing the ball underhand, slow-pitch style.

NBA

>> All points scored by Dwyane Wade count toward the Bulls' score. That'll teach him to spurn their advances in free agency.

>> Award four points for shots from beyond half-court, and five points if made while tossing the ball backward over your head. Also known as the Benny the Bull Rule.

>> If you're married to or have dated a Kardashian, all baskets are worth half. If you're divorced from one or had the marriage annulled, they're worth double.

NHL

>> Goals are worth double when scored from beyond the blue line. Same goes for short-handed goals. Addendum: Make goaltenders' pads smaller.

>> When a penalty is committed, allow fans to draw a card from a hat that determines whether the wronged team gets a power play or penalty shot.

>> Bring back the glowing puck. Just kidding. If you're reading this, NHL officials, please don't reintroduce that. Ever. We'll settle for the lockout ending soon.


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