You are here: Home>Collections>White Sox

Just like that, the Sox vanish

October 04, 2012|By Bag Boy | For RedEye

Good times for the Bears, but we must do some police work first. Time to go all "CSI" on the White Sox.

It's a funny thing. If a team blows a three-game lead on Sept. 18 but there's no one there to witness it, how do we know it happened?

Shame on you, you lazy, apathetic, uninterested White Sox fans of which I am a card-carrying member. I wasn't there, but I'm wondering at which point Ken Harrelson went stone cold silent.

Here's the worst part. It's not like that was a great beginning. Nope. If anything, that window has closed. What an amazing run!

A.J. Pierzynski—likely gone. I am not seeing them paying up for him, and he's done with hometown discounts.

Jake Peavy—it's like a $20 million option on him for next year. Um, do you have anything cheaper? I say that a lot at jewelry stores, but that's another story.

Paulie is Paulie—but he's closer to 40 now.

Uh, there's like a $9 million option on Gavin Floyd. Pass.

Kevin Youkilis, gosh I love him, but do you pay up to keep him? I have no idea. It's not my money and there isn't any money thanks to you (us?) apathetic fans!

Sadly, this team is the best we have because up North, it's your 101-loss Chicago Cubs!

61-101. That is hard to do. So let's push things back a bit. Instead of the two- to four-year plan by Theo Epstein, I think this needs to be adjusted to roughly a 15-year plan, to be safe. Lots can happen in 15 years, and we may even have a functioning government by then! Yay! Human beings, you know I love 'em!

OK, some good news. Mike Tice hasn't grown a brain, and the Bears lead the NFC North. Pouty Faced Jay, however, has grown into snot-faced Jay and throws hissy fits on the sidelines.

He does remind me of a 4-year-old, so when he gets like that, trainers, listen up: He just needs a juice box with a little straw. He'll be fine.

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye Sports' Facebook page

RedEye Chicago Articles
|
|
|