There's good, there's exciting, and then there's a "religious experience."
Say hello to the new Bears offense (cue angels singing and clouds parting).
The only thing I can think of is Jerry Angelo, sitting at home, watching the games and screaming "My God, I didn't know the Bears could do that!"
They can and they do, thanks to some modern thinking and some major upgrades.
Sadly, I think of Johnny Knox. Yes, hard to believe, I think he and Devin Hester were actually starters last year. All I can say is, Johnny: Take your time, don't hurry back. My man, we got this.
A quick word to Bears fans: Go easy on yourselves. Many are picking on you for not knowing how to behave when the Bears are in the red zone. It's OK! This stuff will come! I'm just learning this, too! We'll figure it out!
To review: New Bears: Get in the red zone, throw it to a big, beefy wideout (take your pick) and score a touchdown! (Currently valued at six points)
Old Bears: Get in red zone, run off tackle twice, take a timeout, talk it over, and punt it. Defense and special teams, man!
So strange to be a part of the modern NFL. Feels like someone finally let us sit at the adults table. There are teams who have been playing with toys like these for years. Now, we get to.
Also, Evan Rodriguez. Hey, he's a "fullback," and apparently they still exist. Haven't had one this good since Matt Suhey. Nice blocking to spring Matt Forte.
Man, did we really have Marion Barber and Roy Williams and Caleb Hanie on this team last year? Wasn't it a bad dream!
Here's another bad dream: The White Sox, limping to the finish. Movie metaphor time: World War II. B-17 bomber coming in all shot up. Robin Ventura is the pilot. Everyone on the ground, no one knows if they'll survive the landing.
That's the Sox going into the last weekend at Tampa Bay. Stay tuned for the landing. Ambulances are standing by.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.
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