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Those Springsteen Wrigley Concerts Were Just F***ing Sick

Opinion

September 10, 2012|Stephen Markley

I went to both Springsteen concerts at Wrigley this past weekend, and I’m a journalist and I’m a reporter, and I got something to report: they were both just totally f***ing sick.

Like hemorrhoids in your breakfast cereal sick. Like the 1919 flu pandemic sick. Like hantavirus sick.

Not only did Rage Against the Machine’s Tom Morrello play all his absolutely sick guitar solos from “Wrecking Ball” but Chicago’s own Eddie Vedder appeared both nights to join Springsteen on “Atlantic City” and “Darkness on the Edge of Town”—two of the sickest goddamn songs from one of the sickest rock legends to ever live. I mean, Jesus. I can’t even explain it. Imagine that first night when Springsteen introduced Vedder, and the crowd just about barfed all over itself in orgiastic pleasure. That’s the kind of sick I’m talking. 

These concerts were so sick that the first night I was like, “Damn, I wish I had a video camera to record this shit!” And not until the morning did I remember that I just got a brand new iPhone, which, in addition to having a calendar and a notetaker thingy also have video recording capabilities. 

These concerts were so sick that the second night, when I thought my seats sucked (they were in the lower deck underneath the overhang—you know where I’m talking about? Never buy those tickets, people), I walked around for twenty minutes until I found some empty ones and got my friend to buy this really drunk-ass couple some beer so we could cram in beside them.

You want to know how sick these concerts were? I’ll tell you: I got my ticket to Friday’s show by agreeing to write three nice things about Republican vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan. That’s right. I got my ticket from a die-hard Republican who only agreed to sell it to me on the condition that after trashing the guy in a widely-read column about graduating from the same college, I write something nice about him. And you know something? I don’t give a what! I’d let Paul Ryan spit in my mouth to see that Friday night concert. So here you go, world.

1) Paul Ryan strikes me as a very decent family man, who’s raising an exceptionally hygienic family that will surely succeed in whatever avenues the children choose. His wife is striking and charming.

2) Paul Ryan is fearless when it comes to criticism of his proposals, and while I disagree with everything he stands for, I assume he is sincere in his belief that his efforts will lead this country to a brighter future.

3) Paul Ryan is a politician with innate rhetorical skills that cannot be taught. His evolution from small-time congressman to the leading voice, the very future, of the Republican party reflects his uncanny ability to navigate the halls of power. There is no doubt in my mind he will prove a fearsome opponent when, should his ticket lose this race, he runs in 2016. 

There! You happy? I don’t care. You can't take my soul and wipe your ass with it. That’s how f***ing sick those Springsteen concerts were.

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