So fantasy football's around the corner, and you're in the dark about something. Maybe you don't know which players to avoid drafting. Or what you should be drinking. Or when you should be Shiva blasting (see sidebar).
Not to worry. The stars of FX's "The League," which is set in Chicago and returns this fall, are happy to help. Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton—who are married in real life—took time out from filming the show's fourth season to dispense advice on how to rule fantasy football season.
Check out the advice they shared exclusively with RedEye via email, and good luck. You're gonna need it.
Do you play fantasy football? If so, how many leagues are you in, and how many times have you won a title?
Mark Duplass: I'm only in one league, with the cast and creators of the show "The League." In real life, I have never won one. But I placed second to [co-star] Nick Kroll last year. Then I kicked him in the balls.
Katie Aselton: I do. [Co-creators] Jackie [Schaffer], Jeff Schaffer and the cast play in a league and I won the first season. Since then, I haven't really tried all that hard.
How do you keep your spouse happy during fantasy football season?
MD: Brainwash your spouse into joining your league.
KA: [My husband and I] are in a league together, so whoever is winning is happy.
What's the best location for a fantasy football draft?
MD: I know everyone always says this, but you can't really beat Greenland. I mean Vegas.
What's the key to convincing someone to trade with you?
MD: Make it seem like you are depressed and that you really "need something decent to happen in your life right now."
What should every fantasy football draft include?
MD: A computer. And an intermittently working Internet connection so someone gets royally [bleeped] by autodraft.
KA: One idiot who chooses poorly.
What's the perfect way to celebrate a fantasy football championship?
MD: By realizing it doesn't really make you happy and you've wasted an inordinate amount of time and energy on a really ridiculous game.
KA: Rub it in everyone's faces for the next year.
What's the best drink for draft day?
KA: Sam Adams Light.
What's the worst place to drink 3 Penis Wine?
Where's the best place to Shiva blast?
MD: Public bathroom. In the stall.
KA: The shower.
What's the worst fantasy pick you've ever made?
MD: Reggie Bush. Every year.
KA: I might have drafted someone with a broken neck last year. I will neither confirm nor deny ...
Would you rather be a punter or a kicker? Why?
KA: Either. Fantastic legs on both.
Is it wrong to draft players without researching and instead pick your favorite players?
MD: Depends on who your favirte players are. If they are Arian Foster and LeSean McCoy, you're golden!
KA: Not always. Tom Brady is both a fabulous pick AND dashingly handsome. He's a win-win.
Are there any players you would never draft, on principle?
MD: Michael Vick. Not because of the dogs, [but] because he gets hurt a lot.
KA: Nope. Having principles in fantasy is ridiculous.
Why should or shouldn't you take fantasy football advice from a TV comedy?
KA: You should because we know our [bleep]. Kinda.
'Shiva blasting' and '3 Penis Wine' explained
OK, so some of the subjects in Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton's words of fantasy football wisdom may have seemed strange. This primer on the vernacular of "The League" should clear things up.
The show's championship trophy is named after Shivakamini Somakandarkram, a high school classmate of one of the characters. According to urbandictionary.com, Shiva blasting "is the calling of Shivakamini's full name after being around her or her memorabilia for an extended period of time."
3 Penis Wine
Believe it or not (and you would if you watched the show), Taco MacArthur (Jon Lajoie) wants to become the leading distributor of this beverage. Watch the infomercial on YouTube to see something hilarious. Just turn the sound down—WAY down—if you're at work.
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