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Advice: A couple only has sex in the missionary position. Is that a bad thing?

How important is sexual variety in a long-term relationship?

July 11, 2012|Anna Pulley | RedEye's sex columnist

My boyfriend and I have a great sex life and both feel satisfied. But, we always have sex in the same position (missionary, him on top). Like always. Every time. For the last five years. What's an easy way to incorporate more variety? Or does it even matter? Can we stick with what works or do you think we'll be bored in 10 years?

--Stuck in a rut

Five years of missionary? Wow. That's like the sexual equivalent of eating at Olive Garden every day for half a decade. My befuddlement aside, I do understand the compulsion to "stick with what works." "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," as my mother often said in regard to sex and lawn ornaments.

Common knowledge dictates that sexual variety is important in long-term relationships. But very few people say the same thing about hardcore fetishists who, for instance, can only get off by farting on cakes or popping balloons. So, I suppose if your missionary sex is truly mind-blowing, then by all means, I'm not going to stop you from doin' it (and doin' it and doin' it well). But my question to you is this: Aren't you the least bit curious about other positions? Assuming you aren't ergonomically challenged in some way or a Mennonite, there's a lot of uncharted territory at your disposal. As they said on "Reading Rainbow," our orifices may be limited, but not our imaginations! Besides, it's not like if you deign to try the Reverse Cowgirl position you'll be forced into Reverse Cowgirl purgatory for the rest of your days (unlike Nicolas Cage, who wasn't so lucky).

An easy way to incorporate more variety is simply to ask; "Hey honey, it'd really turn me on if you screwed me from behind/ let me be on top/ tried the R-rated Lindy Hop. And pass the breadsticks, please." Changing things up doesn't mean you have to give up Old Faithful. After all, many people consider missionary to be the most intimate position (all that creepy eye contact, I'm guessing). However, research indicates that only 25 percent of women can actually get off in that position, regardless of size or wishful thrusting. Perhaps you're one of the lucky few. If so, we're all very happy for you. Anyway. There's no need to install a pommel horse in your bedroom or take a contortionist class in order to alter your sexual routine. All you need is a little wherewithal, a little courage, a pair of tongs, seven firm pillows, a pool doodle, jumper cables, and the entire discography of Al Green.

Good luck!

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