There's a storm comin', hoops fans. This NBA finals, with LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook sharing the court, shapes up to be an explosive showdown. We anticipate a great many dunks and other jaw-dropping plays, but before all that begins, one must emerge from a RedEye faceoff.
Thunder: Durant and Westbrook: Ready for the first day of school!
Heat: James and Wade: Ready for book club!
Winner: Heat. In this case, geek chic works better the older you are.
Thunder: James Harden's beard is something to be feared and admired.
Heat: LeBron James' goatee makes … some sort of statement.
Winner: Thunder. James' scraggly mess kind of weirds us out.
Thunder: Let's see. Thabo Sefolosha had a few highlights during his years as a Bull. And, um, Eric Maynor's dad was drafted by the Bulls in 1979.
Heat: People still gravitate to Wade when he comes home. Juwan Howard is a true-blue South Sider. As for Eddy Curry, well, no news might be good news for him in Chicago.
Winner: Heat. No contest.
Thunder: Westbrook likes to celebrate jumpers with a gunslinger routine.
Heat: James admires his 3-pointers often. The farther from the basket he is, the more he preens.
Winner: Heat. We'd rather see Joakim Noah do his Wild West thing than Westbrook. Also, unlike Westbrook, James usually waits to make the shot to start woofing.
Thunder: Durant needs to loosen up a bit in his recent Sprint spot. But it's fun to watch Westbrook sing the Norman Chrysler jingle.
Heat: LeBron seems comfortable making fun of himself for McDonald's, and we could watch Wade trade barbs with Charles Barkley on YouTube all day.
Winner: Heat. They bring the funny more often.
It's a runaway for … the Heat? Can that be right? Sigh. The LeBron haters won't like that. Guess all that's left is to watch it play out.