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We should really protest Cubs, Sox

May 17, 2012|By Bag Boy, For RedEye

So, some doofus at City Hall actually scheduled a NATO summit the same weekend the Cubs are hosting the White Sox.

No worries for me. I was planning a weekend of protests anyway. Mine, however, were relegated to more important issues regarding baseball in Chicago.

Here's a brief rundown of this weekend's events. All times are CST and approximate, and may in fact never happen. We'll see.

Friday

9 a.m., Clark and Addison: Protesting the fact the Cubs can't hold a lead. That's the first hour. Then, protest the fact the Cubs never get a lead. Someone please bring coffee for the morning and alcohol for later.

11 a.m.: Just a general, "Do we really suck that bad?" protesting the fact that five (!) of the White Sox 13 batters are hitting under .200. I'm holding that one across the street because we'll need a bar soon after. Look for us.

Noon-3 p.m.: Lunch/pass out session.

3 p.m.: "What happened to Harry Caray?" at his statue, protesting crappy local announcers who continue to hype bad, bad baseball on TV and radio. Just some basic "Give us the truth!" chants.

4 p.m.: A very special "We don't have time" gathering for Cubs fans 80 years or older who may not be here when Year 18 of the Theo Epstein plan hits and the Cubs win it all. This should be a peaceful protest, but you never know, you get some booze in these people …

And that's it for Day 1.

Saturday, Day 2, if you can stand it.

Noon: "You're young, but we're already sick of you!" protesting Gordon Beckham and Starlin Castro. Young, gifted players who I'm predicting don't have the chops to play here.

1 p.m. "God this is brutal" open protest featuring all Chicago sports teams. Derrick Rose isn't playing next year, Patrick Kane needs to be traded, the Bears offensive line still stinks, Carlos Marmol is somehow still on the Cubs—just a general griping session.

This one, by the way, is the one I would expect to turn violent. Think Grant Park in the '60s, with modern weapons.

Run and hide, sports hippies!

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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